#export your data
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
avakining · 2 months ago
Text
How to download your Tumblr archive
Reminder that you should probably download your Tumblr archive, given the recent... events.
Here's how on desktop:
Download Your Account Data
Go to your privacy settings https://www.tumblr.com/settings/privacy
Click "Request Privacy Data"
Wait for an email saying the export is ready (may take up to 30 days, normally doesn't)
This export will be fairly small — for this blog, it's only a 2.6 MB zip archive. Importantly, this only downloads your account's information. Not your blog's data or posts. To do that:
Download your Blog Data
Go to your blog settings https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/[YOUR BLOG NAME]
Scroll all the way down
Click "Export [YOUR BLOG NAME]
Wait for an email saying the export is ready (may take up to 30 days, normally doesn't)
This export may be very large. My most recent one for this blog (two months ago) was a 143.5 GB zip archive. This one does include EVERY non-deleted post you've ever made or reblogged to that blog, along with all the media in this posts.
HOWEVER, they're all in their own HTML file. There is an "posts_index.html", but it just lists all the posts by ID, with a link to its file.
Tumblr media
(I normally use firefox but that has bookmarks and stuff so safari for the screenshot)
If anyone knows how to have a usable blog view, please let me know!
2 notes · View notes
supersmew · 2 months ago
Text
REMINDER! SKYPE IS GOING DOWN LATER TODAY, IF YOU NEED TO EXPORT CHATS, DO IT NOW!!!!!
11 notes · View notes
greaseonmymouth · 3 months ago
Text
please can the 50yo men at my work stop wanking over chatgpt
11 notes · View notes
frogcreates · 11 months ago
Text
i'm very slowly but surely adding items to my new ko-fi shop—check it out if you're interested! i'll have an official re-opening at some point, but it's probably gonna take me a while so i wanted to start getting the word out now.
9 notes · View notes
sixeyesonathiel · 2 months ago
Text
told the nerd to film it and he exported inside me instead!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairing — tech nerd!gojo x fem reader
synopsis : you crushed on him for months, watched him dodge every advance like you were malware. so you dressed up a little, played a little dumber—and now he’s got you spread out in pixels and moaning in surround sound. worst part? you kinda want him to do it again.
tags/cw — masturbation, degradation, praise kink, dacryphilia, marking, overstimulation, explicit language, filming, voyeurism, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, squirting, rough sex, dirty talk, power dynamics, obsession, lingerie, virgin weeb satoru, questionable but effective way of seducing ur crush. 13k wc, 18+ only, minors DNI.
a/n : plz don't nitpick about how a fashion vlog shouldn't be like that bc that's the point. toru doesn't know the difference because all he watches is 2d girls
Tumblr media
the compressor’s peaking again.
satoru squints at the waveform, drags the threshold down two decibels, then listens back to the same three-second clip of voiceover for the tenth time. it’s a podcast intro, some wannabe influencer droning about mindfulness. he doesn’t care. he’s just here to make it sound less like it was recorded in a bathroom.
“sounds like shit,” he mutters, even though it’s clean. crisp. perfectly balanced.
it doesn’t feel right. nothing ever does. he tweaks the bitrate, checks the export codec, wonders if he should build a custom ffmpeg preset. maybe write a quick script to batch clean all future files—something to shave off a few milliseconds of his life. his fingers hover over the keyboard, itching for efficiency, for control.
ping.
discord overlay glows in the corner of his ultrawide monitor, a neon-green intrusion on his meticulously organized desktop. he freezes. the notification pulses like a heartbeat.
you.
he stares at it, lets it sit there like it’s radioactive. doesn’t even remember keeping you added. your username—something stupid with a heart emoji—feels like a splinter under his skin. he should’ve purged his contacts months ago, but here you are, slipping through the cracks of his digital fortress.
hey. remember when u edited our project? can u help me trim some vids pls…
his jaw tightens. of course you’d ask now, at 2 a.m., when he’s neck-deep in audio plugins and caffeine. his fingers hover over the keyboard, poised to dismiss you.
“no,” he types, then erases it.
“what kind of vids,” he tries, but deletes that too. too eager. too curious.
after a solid twenty-five seconds of overthinking, he finally sends:
i guess. send what you have.
he leans back in his chair, the leather creaking under his weight. his room is a cave of glowing screens and scattered energy drink cans, the hum of his overclocked pc the only sound besides his own shallow breathing. he shouldn’t care. you’re just another art student, another distraction. but his pulse betrays him, thudding a little too hard in his throat.
flashback.exe
he hated group projects. despised them. a bunch of useless art students in overpriced streetwear, trying to make films with no understanding of pacing or continuity.
they’d fumble with premiere pro like it was rocket science, leaving him to clean up their shaky cuts and mismatched audio tracks. he always ended up doing 90% of the work, and he preferred it that way. control was his god, and he worshipped it.
but you were different.
not better. just... a different kind of stupid.
you showed up late to the editing suite, glitter pens spilling out of your bag, heart stickers plastered on your water bottle like a middle schooler’s diary. you called the lav mic a “weird nipple thing” and giggled when he glared at you. once, you spilled your lip gloss on the soundboard, leaving a sticky pink smear he had to scrub off with isopropyl alcohol. another time, you asked if uploading to drive made your data heavier, and he almost threw you out.
but.
you let him do whatever he wanted.
you didn’t hover or micromanage. you just sat there, cross-legged on a swivel chair, watching him cut scenes like it was magic. you leaned over his shoulder, close enough that he could feel the warmth of your breath, your wide eyes reflecting the glow of the timeline.
“whoa... you made it feel like a real movie,” you whispered, like he’d just parted the red sea.
you smelled like something artificial. strawberries, maybe, or some overpriced body mist from a mall kiosk. your hair was always tied with a ribbon—pink, blue, sometimes yellow, always obnoxiously bright.
he didn’t care.
he told himself he didn’t.
but he remembered. every fucking detail.
the zip file lands in his downloads with an obnoxious ka-chunk, snapping him out of the memory. he doesn’t rush. just opens it like it’s any other favor, like his heart isn’t clawing at his ribcage. the folder name stares back at him: “pls help <3”
typical.
he clicks it open, expecting shaky iphone clips of cafes and shopping hauls. maybe some cringe tiktok dance you think is cute. he’s ready to hate it, to scoff at your lack of framing or shitty lighting.
but then—
you appear on screen.
not just appear. you perform.
you’re biting your lip, laughing into the lens like it’s your lover. wearing something stupidly short—a skirt that barely qualifies as fabric, hugging your thighs like it’s painted on. you spin around in front of your mirror, the camera catching every angle, every curve, like you’re being filmed for someone else. someone who’d appreciate it.
you pose. cock your head. giggle. the sound is loud, breathy, smiling when you speak. “do you think this is too short?” you ask, tugging the hem of your skirt, your fingers lingering just a second too long.
he blinks.
backs the video up three seconds.
watches again.
your laugh echoes through his headphones, a little distorted, a little too close. he pretends he’s checking the audio, tells himself it’s for sync, that he’s just doing his job. but his eyes are glued to the screen, to the way your skirt rides up as you twirl, to the flash of skin that makes his breath catch.
he watches again.
his mouth is dry, his tongue heavy against his teeth. your skirt flips up higher this time, and you gasp—like you’re surprised, like you didn’t mean to show that much. but you don’t stop filming. don’t cover up. just... laugh, a sound that curls around his spine and sinks into his gut.
he doesn’t even realize his hand is moving until it’s there, slipping under the waistband of his sweatpants. his fingers brush against himself, and he hisses, the contact sharp and sudden. he’s already half-hard, his body betraying him before his brain can catch up. the room feels too warm, the hum of his pc too loud, but he doesn’t care. he can’t care.
he rewinds the clip again, pauses on the frame where you’re mid-spin, your skirt flared just enough to show the curve of your ass. his hand wraps around his cock, slow at first, tentative, like he’s testing how far he’ll let himself go. the texture of his own skin is rough, familiar, but it’s not enough. not when it’s you on the screen, laughing like you know he’s watching, like you’re daring him to lose control.
he strokes himself, a tight, deliberate rhythm, his thumb brushing over the tip where he’s already leaking. the sensation jolts him, makes his hips twitch in the chair.
he imagines it’s your hand, your fingers—small, soft, probably clumsy, but eager. he pictures you kneeling between his legs, looking up at him with those wide eyes, your lips parted like they are in the video, glossy and pink and begging to be kissed. or more.
the video plays on. you’re bending over now, adjusting your hair in the mirror, your skirt riding up to expose the thin strip of your underwear. he groans, low and guttural, his hand moving faster.
the sound of your voice—teasing, playful—fills his headphones, and he closes his eyes for a moment, letting it wash over him. “do you think this is too short?” you say again, and he wants to answer, wants to growl that it’s perfect, that you’re perfect, that he’d rip it off you if he could.
his grip tightens, his strokes growing erratic. he’s not gentle with himself—never is. it’s all pressure and friction, chasing the edge as fast as he can.
his free hand fumbles with the mouse, scrubbing the timeline back to the moment you gasp, to the split-second flash of your thighs. he loops it, the clip stuttering in time with his breathing, with the slick sound of his hand working himself over. his cock throbs, hot and heavy, and he imagines it’s you—your warmth, your wetness, the way you’d probably whimper if he touched you like this.
he’s close. too close.
his vision blurs at the edges, his pulse hammering in his ears. he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be jerking off to your stupid video like some desperate creep, but the shame only makes it worse, makes it sharper.
he pictures you catching him, walking in right now, seeing him with his pants down and his hand on his dick. would you laugh? would you blush? would you get on your knees and—
he comes with a choked gasp, his hips bucking up into his hand. it’s messy, spilling over his fingers, onto the hem of his shirt. his chest heaves, his head tilting back against the chair as the aftershocks ripple through him. your laugh loops in his headphones, oblivious to the wreck he’s become.
it’s filthy. it’s desperate.
ten minutes later, he’s cleaned himself up, his hands steady again as he trims the file like a good little editor. he cuts out the shaky parts, stabilizes the footage, adjusts the audio so your voice doesn’t clip. it’s clinical now, professional, like he didn’t just fall apart to the sight of you. he names it something sterile: “vlog_cut_1.mov.”
he exports it twice. once normally, for you. once... not. the second version is raw, unedited, every twirl and giggle preserved in crisp 4k. it gets copied to a different folder, buried in a directory labeled “shader_study_2022.” he tells himself it’s in case you need a re-edit. a backup. that’s all.
when you text back:
thank u!! lol i owe uuu :3
he stares at the message, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. his heart’s still racing, a faint tremor in his fingers.
he types “anytime :)” and erases it. sends:
np.
what he doesn’t say: he rewatched the part where you bend over six times. he had his dick in his hand by the second loop. he renamed the close-up to “test_render_asscloseup.mov” and hid it behind three layers of subfolders.
he doesn’t even like tiktok girls.
he’s into 2d, girls with big swords and bigger tits, drawn in sharp lines and impossible proportions. he once bought a dakimakura because the shipping came with a free pin, and it’s still shoved in his closet, one corner stained from a late-night mistake. real girls are messy, unpredictable, too much work. but now?
he’s thinking about the way your laugh dipped when you turned around, the way it caught in your throat like you were nervous. the way you looked into the lens like you knew someone was watching.
someone like him.
next day, you walk in like a fucking weapon.
pink fuzzy shrug, low-rise jeans that sit dangerously low on your hips, a sliver of stomach peeking out like it’s 2004. your hair’s up in a ribbon—pink, of course, swaying as you move. you’re all glitter and confidence, a walking distraction in a lecture hall full of tired students and flickering projectors.
he scoffs under his breath. “tacky.”
but his heart’s pounding, a traitor in his chest. his fingers twitch against the edge of his laptop, betraying the calm he’s trying to project. you slide into the seat two rows ahead and twist around, grinning like a cat, like you know something he doesn’t.
your eyes catch his for a split second, bright and teasing, and he forces himself to look away.
he opens his laptop, types random garbage into a terminal window—some half-baked python script he doesn’t even care about. he runs a fake compile just to feel busy, to drown out the way his blood is rushing too fast.
you lean over to whisper to the girl next to you, your laugh spilling out, loud and careless. your hair tosses, and he swears he catches the scent of your perfume drifting past in invisible waves. saccharine, overwhelming, like strawberries dipped in sugar syrup.
his brain short-circuits. he snaps his headphones on, the cord tangling in his haste. not to listen to music. not to block you out.
to replay your giggle.
he’d isolated the audio last night, cleaned it up with a high-pass filter, boosted the mids to make it crystal clear. exported it as a high-quality .wav, tucked it into a folder labeled “audio_ref.” he tells himself it’s for study, just good reference for future projects. but he loops it now, the sound of your laugh layered over faint lo-fi static he added for texture. it’s you, distilled into a three-second clip, filling his skull.
he closes his eyes and pretends you’re saying his name. satoru, you giggle, breathy and soft, like you’re leaning over his shoulder again, watching him work. satoru, you made it feel so real.
the lecture drones on, but he’s not listening. he’s lost in the rhythm of your voice, the way it dips and rises, the way it makes his skin feel too tight. he shifts in his seat, adjusts his hoodie, tries to ignore the heat pooling in his gut. he’s not supposed to want this. not supposed to want you.
but he does.
Tumblr media
the thing about addiction is that it never announces itself.
no dramatic thunderclap. no internal monologue screaming, ah yes, now i am a pervert. it’s quiet. insidious. it sinks in like static, crackling at the edges of satoru’s brain until he’s not sure where his old self ends and this new, wretched version begins.
it’s not like he’s not already a pervert who gets off from pixels. this simply wasn’t his brand of perversion.
that night, he stayed up longer than he should’ve. stared at code for so long his ide crashed, the screen flickering to black as if it knew he was wasting his time. not that he got anything done. 
he just kept switching tabs—your final cut in vlc, some useless bash script in vscode he pretended to care about, then back to your video, the timeline frozen on that twirl, that gasp. his fingers shook when he closed the laptop, but sleep never came.
and now it’s the next day. mid-afternoon. the sun is doing that thing where it turns his apartment into a blinding box of heat and regret. his ac hums like an old man, wheezing against the sticky air. he’s sprawled in his chair, one leg slung over the armrest, staring at the ceiling fan like it might tell him how to stop.
ping.
another discord notification. he doesn’t even flinch this time. your username glows, and the filename attached makes his stomach do a weird little roll: “try-on2_raw.mov”. his eyes linger on the heart emoji you’ve tacked onto the message, like it’s a personal invitation.
hiii! ty for the last edit, ur a lifesaver <3 can u check and trim this one too? i’m trying smth new but idk if it works… lmk what u think pls!!
he clicks download. no hesitation. doesn’t even pretend to care anymore.
the file loads into his editing software like second nature, the premiere pro interface blooming across his screen. muscle memory. routine.
he’s done this a hundred times—except never like this, never with his pulse hammering in his throat and his mouth already dry.
the video starts the same way as the last—handheld, messy lighting, your voice trailing in from offscreen as you fiddle with the camera angle. no mic, of course not. just raw cam audio, unpolished, real, every breath and rustle amplified. he leans closer, like proximity to the screen will make it less dangerous.
“okay—wait, hold on,” you mutter, slightly out of breath. there’s a plastic rustle, fabric scraping skin, the light jingle of a zipper. he catches the sound of your nails tapping the digicam accidentally, a faint clack-clack that makes him picture your fingers, probably painted some ridiculous color, fumbling in that endearing way you do. 
“ugh… come on…” your voice drops, a frustrated huff, low and throaty. “mm—sorry! this one’s hard to pull up.”
then—zipper slides. metal on fabric, slow and deliberate, like it’s teasing him on purpose. you let out a sigh, long, slow, just a little too satisfied, like you’re savoring the release of pressure. the sound coils in his gut, tight and hot.
he freezes.
his mouse stays hovering over the playhead, the cursor trembling slightly. blood is already rushing south, his sweatpants tightening in a way he can’t ignore. his breath catches, shallow and sharp, and the worst part?
you giggle.
“probably got the wrong size,” you say, tugging the dress up higher. the hem catches on your thighs, rising indecently, the fabric clinging to your skin like it’s reluctant to let go. “don’t tell anyone i didn’t try it on in-store first.”
he swallows nothing. jaw tight. the room suddenly feels suffocating, the ac’s hum drowned out by the thud of his own pulse. your lip catches between your teeth, a flash of white against pink gloss, and the camera catches that too, lingers on it like it knows what it’s doing.
you glance at the lens, eyes half-lidded, like you’re waiting for approval, like you’re asking him directly—do you like this?
satoru’s fingers twitch.
one hand stays on the mouse, scrubbing the timeline back three seconds to hear that sigh again. the other hand moves before he can stop it, slipping under his waistband, brushing against the heat of his skin. he’s already hard, achingly so, the kind of hard that makes his head swim.
he wraps his fingers around himself, slow at first, testing, like he’s not sure he’s really doing this again. but the sound of your voice—breathy, teasing—loops in his headphones, and he’s gone.
he strokes himself, deliberate and tight, his grip almost punishing. the video plays on, and you’re stepping into frame now, the dress half-zipped, hugging your curves in a way that makes his throat burn. your thighs shift as you adjust the hem, and he imagines them under his hands, soft and warm, parting just for him.
his thumb swipes over the tip of his cock, slick with precum, and he groans, low and broken, the sound swallowed by the hum of his pc. he pictures your fingers instead, clumsy but eager, your nails grazing his skin as you try to keep up with his rhythm.
he’d guide you, show you how he likes it—fast, rough, no mercy.
you sigh again, and he speeds up, his hand moving in time with the rise and fall of your voice. “this one’s kinda tight,” you murmur, tugging at the neckline, and the fabric stretches, exposing the swell of your chest.
he wants to rip it off, wants to hear you gasp for real, not for the camera but for him. his strokes grow erratic, desperate, the slick sound of his hand filling the room, obscene and unstoppable.
he scrubs the timeline back again, pauses on the frame where your dress slips, where your underwear peeks out—a thin, lacy thing that makes his vision blur. he imagines pulling it aside, imagines the heat of you, the way you’d whimper if he pressed himself inside.
he’s close, too close, his hips twitching up into his hand. the video loops your giggle, that satisfied sigh, and he’s drowning in it, in you.
he pictures you catching him like this, walking into his apartment right now, seeing him with his pants down and his cock in his hand, flushed and leaking. would you laugh? would you blush? would you drop to your knees and let him finish on your lips, glossy and perfect and—
he comes with a muted groan, his head tipping back, eyes screwed shut as his release spills over his fingers, hot and messy. his breath shakes, a ragged exhale that leaves him hollow. the aftershocks pulse through him, and he slumps in his chair, the video still playing, your voice oblivious to the wreckage you’ve caused.
he pauses the frame. your mouth is mid-word, forming the shape of “oops,” lips parted just enough to make his chest ache. he wipes his hand on a paper towel from his desk, crumpled and stained from earlier sins. doesn’t look at himself. doesn’t think.
exports the file without touching a thing. names it “final_edit.mov.” then saves another copy, the raw footage, every sigh and rustle preserved. he names it “jesusfuckingchrist.mp4” and buries it in a folder labeled “misc_ref.”
he tries to normalize it.
“it’s just grading,” he mutters the next time he opens the project, the lie sour on his tongue. “just adjusting white balance.” but the playback bar hasn’t moved from your thighs. he doesn’t touch the colors. not really.
he zooms in under the excuse of checking “grain smoothing,” but it’s just your lip, caught between your teeth, your breath clipped at the edges like you’re holding back.
he tells himself he’s just learning.
every artist has their muse, right? except now he edits to your audio. he used to play podcasts, background noise to keep his brain from spiraling.
now? your breathing is layered into the timeline, a track he’s labeled “vox_ref.” he loops your laugh in reverse, lets it pan from left to right like it’s some surround sound experience.
“this is practice,” he whispers, dragging eq curves around nonsense, boosting the highs until your voice is sharp and intimate. “i’m experimenting with filters.”
right. filters. filters until your voice sounds like it’s right by his ear, like you’re whispering in bed, your breath warm against his skin. he plays a clip of you saying “do you like this one?” over and over, the words detached from context.
he doesn’t even care what you’re referring to anymore. he’s got that part memorized, the way your voice dips, soft and unsure, like you’re asking him to love you.
the next class is worse.
you walk past him in that fuzzy pink shrug thing, one sleeve slipping off your shoulder, and it’s like a bomb goes off in his chest. the fabric clings to you, soft and teasing, and he wants to grab it, pull it down, see how much skin you’ll let him have.
you lean down to plug your charger in, your jeans riding low—too low, the kind of low that makes him wonder how they’re even allowed on campus. he catches a glimpse of your underwear, a flash of lace, and his brain whites out.
he glares at his laptop, scoffs under his breath. “that outfit’s… desperate.” the word feels like a blade, sharp and mean, but it’s all he’s got to keep you at a distance.
your head tilts, innocent, eyes wide like you’re genuinely curious. “you think so?” you say it like you mean it, like you don’t already know the answer, like you haven’t watched your own footage and seen what he’s seen.
he shrugs, keeps scowling, doesn’t look at you. his fingers grip the edge of his laptop too hard, knuckles white. behind the screen, he’s got a paused frame of you licking lip gloss off your thumb, minimized in the corner. it’s been open since he got here.
his file structure is disintegrating. he used to name things with logic—timestamps, project codes, version numbers. now his desktop looks like a manifesto, a digital shrine to his unraveling. “vlog_tryon_final.mov.” “edit_3alt.mp4.” “fuckmeagain_laughcut.mov.” there’s a folder called “NOT work (unless)” that he doesn’t even open anymore, too afraid of what he’ll find.
he tries to draw a line, but it’s blurry. always blurry. he doesn’t know where the edit ends and obsession begins. when he dreams, he dreams about zippers—except they’re not zipzers. they’re your legs, parting slow and deliberate, your breath hitching as he pulls you closer.
a new text lights up his screen:
 hey! idk if the last one looks good… should i redo it? it felt kinda awkward lol sorry T_T
you sound insecure, unsure, your words dripping with that self-conscious charm that makes his chest hurt. he stares at the message, his thumb hovering over the keyboard, his mind spiraling.
you don’t know, do you? you don’t know what you’re doing to him, how your voice alone is enough to make him hard again.
he types:
looks clean. don’t worry about it.
satoru watches the word clean sit there like a fucking lie. his dick twitches, traitor that it is.
he hates himself.
but he opens the raw file again. scrubs through, frame by frame, until he finds that timestamp—where you moan, soft and accidental, like you didn’t mean to let it slip. he watches it, his headphones sealing him in with the sound of you. he exports that single second, names it “moan_finalgodhelpme.mp4,” and tucks it away like a secret he’ll never confess.
the timeline sits open, your frozen frame staring back at him. he doesn’t close it. doesn’t want to.
Tumblr media
it starts with static in his skull.
not the loud, electric kind that chokes you up or begs to be noticed. it’s quiet. a whir, like an old fan that never shuts off, humming behind his thoughts. when satoru drags his mouse across the screen and sees your name still on the folder, it buzzes—faint, familiar, a sickness with your scent.
he changes the name from “NOT work (unless)” to “ARCHIVE_21,” moves it to a different directory, pretends it’s work, or dead, or both. but the static doesn’t stop. it clings, sticky and warm, like your laugh looping in his headphones.
it doesn’t help.
not when he dreams in highlighter gloss and those half-bitten whines you make when stretching, your body arching just so. not when he wakes up rutting into damp sheets, mouthing your name like a damn prayer, his hips jerking against nothing. the shame burns, but it’s not enough to make him stop.
satoru’s trying.
really.
he takes up freelance gigs, edits wedding footage for some guy he hasn’t spoken to since second year. overlays cheesy filters, mutes the groom’s ugly laugh, syncs the vows to some overused acoustic track. it’s clean. respectable. sterile enough to make him itch, like he’s wearing someone else’s skin. but the folder’s still there, buried in his drive like it knows he’ll come back.
2:03 a.m.
his inbox pings, a sharp sound that cuts through the drone of his pc fans. your name lights up the screen, and his chest tightens before he even reads the message.
hiii satoru!! sorry for the late send, been sooo busy <3 can u take a look at this haul vid? i tried smth spicy but idk if it’s too much… lmk what u think pretty pls!!
march haul (raw).mp4
he knows he shouldn’t. there’s no logical reason, no business context, just the weight of your words—spicy, pretty pls—sinking into his gut. but his hands move on their own, clicking download, the progress bar filling like a fuse burning down.
click.
of course he does.
the video starts soft, your bedroom light diffused to a golden haze, casting shadows that dance across rumpled sheets. it looks like you’ve been tossing in them all day, the fabric creased and inviting.
you’re in lace—barely. something soft pink and flimsy, a slip of fabric that clings to your curves like it’s begging to be torn off.
your thigh’s out, one leg bent just enough to draw his eye, and the camera’s angled low, too low, like you meant to frame it this way.
“god, i hope this one fits…” your voice is breathy, a little strained, like you’re fighting the fabric. you adjust a strap, your fingers lingering on the lace, and your lip catches between your teeth, glossy and pink, a casual gesture that’s anything but. his breath stutters, a sharp inhale that burns his throat.
“oops, sorry—too much cleavage?” you laugh, not to yourself but at him.
he knows it.
his cock knows it, twitching against the seam of his sweatpants. the screen shakes as you set the camera on something unsteady—a stack of books, maybe—and it rocks just as you turn around, hips swaying, your ass hugged by that tiny thong, the lace cutting into your skin like a claim. you glance back over your shoulder, smirk poised like a dagger, eyes glinting in the soft light.
“i bet you’d pause right here, wouldn’t you?”
he does.
the video cuts mid-breath, and he doesn’t hear the silence. he’s frozen, hand halfway down, brain wiped clean. the frame lingers on your ass, the curve of it framed by lace, and his mouth is dry, his pulse hammering so loud it drowns out the static.
ping.
march haul (real).mp4
oops. wrong send lol. this is the real one!
his screen is still painted with the freeze-frame of your ass. his dick’s straining so hard it aches, a dull throb that makes him shift in his chair. he doesn’t respond, doesn’t move for a full minute, just stares at the message, the word oops taunting him. then—
he saves both files. drags them into “ARCHIVE_21” with a trembling cursor, his fingers clumsy on the trackpad. he opens the raw one again, slower this time, one hand on his lap, the other fisting his sheets until the fabric creaks.
you’re back on screen, adjusting the strap again, your laugh curling through his headphones like smoke. his hand slips under his waistband, and he’s already leaking, the tip slick and sensitive as he grips himself.
he strokes slow, deliberate, savoring the friction, but his mind’s elsewhere—on the hentai he’s spent years jerking off to, the doujins with dog-eared pages and cum-stained corners.
he pictures you like those girls, bent over and begging, your lace thong pushed to the side as he fucks you from behind, your moans louder, needier, than anything you’ve let slip on camera.
he imagines pinning you to those rumpled sheets, your thighs trembling under his hands, your ass bouncing with every thrust. no teasing giggles, no coy glances—just you, fucked out and whimpering, his name on your lips as he buries himself deep, so deep you can’t think.
his hand speeds up, the slick sound obscene in the quiet of his room. he scrubs the timeline back, pauses on the moment you turn, your smirk sharp and knowing.
he wants to wipe it off, wants to fuck you until you’re too wrecked to smile, until you’re clawing at the sheets and sobbing his name. he imagines your cunt, tight and wet, gripping him as he pounds into you, the lace of your thong rubbing raw against his skin.
it’s not enough to watch you anymore, not enough to stroke himself to your voice—he wants to ruin you, wants to feel you break under him, wants to make you his in a way those 2d girls never could.
he cums with a low, breathy whisper of your name, his hips jerking up into his hand. it’s intense, almost painful, spilling over his fingers and onto the hem of his shirt.
his chest heaves, his vision blurring as he slumps back, the video still playing, your laugh oblivious to the mess he’s become. he opens it again, doesn’t touch himself this time—just watches, memorizes, eyes glassy and mouth parted.
at one point, he swears he moans with you, a soft sound that slips out unbidden, his body betraying him even when he’s spent. when he edits the “real” file, he’s a machine. no stutters, no slips, just sharp keystrokes and surgical cuts, trimming shaky frames and boosting your voice until it’s crisp.
the guilt claws at him, a dull ache in his chest, but it only makes the next orgasm worse—and better. he exports it, names it “haul_march_final.mov,” and saves the raw file to a new subfolder: “stills_ref.” he doesn’t name the second copy. doesn’t need to. it’s just for him.
he plays it cool in class. “wow. another fit straight outta your grandma’s closet,” he scoffs as you pass, voice dripping with mockery, lips curling into something lazy and mean.
but his gaze flickers—just once, low and quick, like he’s checking for danger. and there it is. a flash of soft pink lace against the curve of your thigh as you shift your bag higher up your shoulder. just a sliver. deliberate.
he knows that lace. knows it from the raw footage, from the way it hugged your skin under golden light. his smirk falters for half a second, a crack in his armor.
you turn your head, slow as syrup, and smile at him over your shoulder. it’s airy, innocent, ditzy enough to play dumb, poisonous enough to feel like a threat. “mm? that bad, huh?” your voice is light, but your eyes linger a moment too long, sharp and knowing, like you’re peeling him open.
you take your seat two rows away, crossing one leg over the other with careful grace. your skirt rides up, just enough to show the edge of that lace again, and your fingers toy absentmindedly with the hem, brushing the fabric like it’s a game.
he doesn’t blink.
he knows what’s under that skirt, knows the way that lace bites into your skin when you move just like that. he’s seen it in soft lighting, tangled with shadows and sighs. he knows, and you know, and neither of you say a word.
he can’t breathe.
his hand trembles as he grips his pen, scrawling nonsense on the corner of his notes—random numbers, jagged lines, anything to keep his fingers busy.
someone’s asking a question about identity and performance, something about how we present ourselves versus how we wish to be perceived, and satoru’s already halfway to standing.
“sorry. washroom.” his voice cracks halfway through the lie, too sharp, too rushed.
satoru stumbles into the men’s room like he’s escaping a crime scene, the door clicking shut behind him. palm flat against cold tile, forehead pressed to the inside of his wrist, he tries to breathe, tries to think of anything else—code, deadlines, the wedding edit he’s behind on.
but it’s you.
always you. your smile, your laugh, the lace peeking out like a taunt.
he’s already hard, already leaking, the front of his jeans tight and unforgiving. he fumbles with the button, shoves them down just enough, and grips himself, his hand shaking as he strokes.
he closes his eyes and sees you—not the you in class, not the you playing dumb, but the you from his fantasies, the you he’s built from hentai panels and late-night desperation. he imagines you on your knees, lace thong pulled down, your cunt glistening as he fucks you against the bathroom sink.
no giggles, no teasing—just raw, desperate need, your moans echoing off the tiles as he slams into you, his hands bruising your hips, your body arching to take him deeper.
he wants you messy, wants you marked, wants to fill you until you’re dripping, until you’re his in a way that’s permanent.
he strokes faster, his breath hitching, his teeth sinking into his knuckles to muffle the groan clawing up his throat. he cums hard, too fast, his knees buckling as it spills over his hand, hot and shameful. he shakes, gasping, his forehead slick against the tile, and thinks of lace. thinks of lip gloss. thinks of your voice saying “oops” like it’s a sin.
it doesn’t take long for his desktop to become an altar.
the background’s still you, a freeze-frame from the first video, your lip gloss shimmering and fingers caught mid-twist in your hair. he tells himself it’s temporary, just a visual reference.
it’s been three weeks.
folders on folders: “hauls > favs > zoom_ins > stills > pantyshots.” “audio_samples > moan_loop > breath_only.wav.” “color tests > gloss_ref > lips.png.”
some nights, he replays a single frame just to watch your mouth form the word “fuck,” slows it down, isolates the syllables, pretends you’re saying his name instead.
the worst part?
you’re still pretending nothing’s changed. still calling them “favors,” still sending content like it’s work, like it’s nothing.
but your outfits are shorter, your giggles stick to the air longer, your eyes linger like you’re testing something. and when you purr, “you’re sooo good at this, satoru,” with that saccharine lilt, your voice curling around his name like a caress, he bites the inside of his cheek just to keep quiet. fists the sheets at night and prays.
he moans your name in the dark, face hot with shame, and hates how much he wants you to hear it.
Tumblr media
satoru’s become sleep-deprived, dark smudges nesting beneath his eyes like fingerprints left behind by guilt or obsession or both. he wears his glasses more lately, less out of need and more as a buffer between him and the world—between him and you.
the lenses catch the glow of his new triple-monitor setup, a sleek beast he told himself was for coding, for editing, for multitasking. not for keeping your videos looping on the side monitor while he pretends to work on the main one. not for that at all.
your folder’s pinned in quick access, a permanent fixture in his file explorer. he keeps it open in the background at all times, a digital pulse that hums alongside his pc fans. second nature now, like breathing or wanting. not unlike a shrine.
in class, he pretends to take notes, his stylus scratching nonsense on his tablet. he’s not. he’s watching a gif on his phone, hidden under the desk—a loop of your tongue dragging slow across lip gloss, eyes soft with focus like you’re painting yourself pretty just for him. the gif’s only three seconds, but he’s memorized every frame, every flicker of your lashes. his thumb swipes to replay it, again, again, until his vision blurs.
ctrl+shift+eject brain.exe.
three days pass, and you haven’t messaged. he checks your chat thread more than he breathes—opens, closes, re-opens, scrolling through your old texts like they’ll reveal something new. every flicker of hope is a false start, a phantom ping that makes his chest lurch. he’s pathetic, he knows it, but knowing doesn’t stop the itch.
then:
ping.
april haul (suits).mov
hii satoru!! new haul vid for u to check <3 tried some swimsuits this time, hope it’s not too boring to trim hehe. lmk what u think!!”
he nearly drops his phone, his thumb smudging the screen as he fumbles to download. his new setup hums to life, the main monitor flashing with code he hasn’t touched in hours, the side monitor already open to your folder.
he drags the file into premiere, the timeline blooming across the screen, but his eyes are on the raw video, already playing on the right monitor, your voice spilling through his headphones like honey.
the video’s different this time. the camera’s lower, like it’s been left on a desk or shelf, pointing slightly upward to frame you from your knees to just above your head. your bed makes a cozy blur in the background, sheets tangled like an invitation.
you’re in a bikini top that isn’t trying very hard to stay on, thin strings knotted loosely at your neck and back, the fabric barely containing you. “mmm. does this scream summer, or slut?” you giggle, feigned innocence like frosting over heat, your voice curling around the words like you know exactly what they’ll do to him.
you play with the strings at your chest, tugging, adjusting, your fingers brushing the swell of your breasts. then, softer, breathier, to the lens: “baby, help me pick…”
baby.
it breaks him all over again, a crack that runs straight through his chest. his cock twitches, already hard, straining against his boxers.
everything after that gets softer, lazier, dangerous in how intimate it feels. there’s no performative energy now—just casual, candid seduction, your movements slow, like you’re not hurrying for anyone. like you know exactly who’s watching and how long he’ll linger.
when you shrug a dress off your shoulders, you sigh, the sound catching in your throat. when you twist to adjust a strap, you hum, low and absentminded. and when you struggle with a clasp at your back, your fingers fumbling, you moan—soft, unintentional, a sound that slips out like it surprised even you.
satoru’s thumb slams the spacebar, pausing the video, rewinding three seconds to hear it again. he watches the way your lips part, the way your brows twitch, the way your body shifts like you’re chasing the sensation.
he’s already leaking, his boxers damp as he shoves them down, his hand wrapping around himself. the side monitor loops the raw footage, your moan playing over and over, while the main monitor holds the paused frame of your parted lips. he strokes slow at first, his grip tight, his thumb swiping over the tip where he’s slick and sensitive.
his mind slips to the doujins he’s hoarded, the hentai he’s spent years chasing—the girls with flushed cheeks and desperate eyes, fucked raw and begging for more. but now it’s you, not some inked fantasy, and it’s so much filthier.
he imagines you sprawled across your bed, that bikini top ripped off, your thighs spread wide as he fucks you deep, relentless, your cunt clenching around him as you sob his name. no teasing, no giggles—just you, wrecked and dripping, your nails clawing his back as he takes you again and again, each thrust harder, messier, until you’re nothing but his.
his hand speeds up, the slick sound loud in his room, mixing with your looped moan. he wants you pinned beneath him, wants to feel you squirm, wants to fuck you until the bed creaks and your voice breaks, until you’re begging like those hentai girls, your glossed lips trembling as you say his name—satoru, please, more.
he imagines filling you, his cum leaking down your thighs, your body marked by him in ways he can’t unsee. it’s not enough to watch, not enough to stroke���he wants to own you, wants to make you his in every way those 2d fantasies taught him to crave.
he cums hard, forehead pressed to his desk, a low groan tearing from his throat as it spills over his hand, his keyboard, the edge of his new setup. his breath is ragged, like he’s run a marathon, his glasses fogging slightly as he gasps.
the side monitor still plays, your voice oblivious, your moan looping like a hymn. he doesn’t stop the video, just slumps back, spent and shaking, and watches again, his hand twitching like it’s not done.
it doesn’t take long for his room to reek of sweat and sin.
he edits shirtless now, sometimes in boxers, always hard, always leaking. every file’s renamed with trembling hands: “wifey_take7.mov.” “wifey_raw.mp4.”
he syncs your sighs to his lo-fi playlist, turns it into a lullaby, falls asleep to the sound of your breath. sometimes he slows your voice just to hear “baby” dragged out into velvet, makes gifs of your hands skimming your hips, kisses the screen when he’s drunk enough to forget shame.
you, on the other hand, don’t break character.
in class, you chew your pen and lean forward, the arch of your spine exact, your cleavage subtle—barely a tease, just enough to make his throat tighten. he looks away with a clenched jaw, adjusts himself under the desk, twice, his jeans unforgiving.
you whisper to a friend and giggle, and he lipreads, thinks he sees the words “can’t wait,” but maybe he’s hallucinating, maybe not. it doesn’t matter.
he starts responding to the clips aloud.
“fuck yes, that one.” “spin again, baby.” sometimes he mumbles your name like a prayer, sometimes he chokes it into his pillow. every orgasm has your name carved into it, a brand he can’t erase.
one night, he opens a file to edit, drags it into premiere, but he doesn’t touch it. just watches, headphones in, barely breathing. not a content creator now, not a student, not even a man—just a creature of need, and you his ritual, his muse, his goddess.
the screen shows you adjusting the straps of a silky babydoll, the lighting warm, your thighs bare, half-tucked under you as you sit prettily at the edge of your bed.
“okay, so this one’s… like, totally giving ‘come to bed’ energy, right?” you giggle, voice light, teeth sinking into your glossed lip as you bounce once, soft and natural, the fabric barely covering your chest.
satoru groans low in his throat, not even trying to hide it. “it’s giving bend over,” he mutters, lips twitching, his side monitor looping the raw footage, his main screen frozen on your smile. “fuck, look at you…”
you reach behind you, struggle with the clasp, wiggle your shoulders like you’re teasing whoever’s behind the camera. “oof. that’s tight… should i size up?” a breathy laugh follows, your sigh melting into it.
he licks his lips, your audio crystal-clear in his headphones. you’re right there, talking to him. “nah, baby,” he croons, eyes fixed on the curve of your spine as you turn. “tight’s perfect. keeps the goods in place.”
you blow a kiss at the lens. “hope you’re not bored yet,” you say with a wink. “i saved the cutest for last…”
you bend off-frame, your ass peeking just above the edge of the bed, round and inviting in cotton panties with lace trim, and when you rise again, your hands hold something sheer and tiny. “tadaaa,” you whisper, eyes glinting with mischief. “this one’s for my favorite viewer.”
00:05:46—satoru slams the shortcut, timestamp saved. a second later, he screenshots, then again, then again, frame by frame, until he finds the exact one where your lip’s caught between your teeth and your ass is still halfway in the air.
“fucking perfect,” he mutters, breath uneven. he pulls the image up on his main screen, zooms in, sharpens it, runs it through noise reduction. the side monitor loops the raw video, your voice sweet and teasing, while the right monitor plays a gif of your earlier moan, your lips parted in that soft, accidental sound.
his hand’s already moving, shoving his boxers down, his cock springing free, hard and leaking like it’s been waiting for this. 
he grips himself, rough and urgent, no pretense of patience. the new setup’s perfect—your video on the side, his code on the main screen like he’s working, but it’s all you, every pixel, every sound.
he strokes in time with your giggle, his eyes flicking between the gif of your moan and the screenshot of your ass, his mind spiraling into the filthiest corners of his hentai-soaked brain.
he imagines you on that bed, face down, ass up, the babydoll hiked to your waist as he fucks you so hard the headboard cracks. he wants you screaming, wants your cunt pulsing around him, wants to pull your hair and make you look at him as he fills you, over and over, until you’re a mess, until you’re his completely.
his strokes are frantic, his breath hitching, his hips bucking into his hand. he pictures you tied to the bed, like that one doujin he read last month, your wrists bound with those same bikini strings, your thighs trembling as he fucks you through one orgasm into the next.
he wants to cum inside you, wants to watch it drip out, wants to push it back in with his fingers and make you lick them clean. it’s not enough to jerk off anymore, not enough to dream—he wants to break you, wants to make you real, wants to fuck you until you’re as addicted to him as he is to you.
he cums with a choked growl, his head tipping back, glasses slipping down his nose as it spills over his hand, his desk, the sticky mess splattering his keyboard.
he’s shaking, gasping, his chest heaving as the side monitor loops your voice, your “baby” purring like a mantra. his wrist’s sticky, his room a haze of sweat and shame, but he doesn’t care. he’s not even really here.
you’re everywhere now—three monitors, three altars, your image burned into his retinas. he’d worship on his knees if you asked.
the next day, another file:
april haul (closeups).mp4
sorry! idk if this one’s helpful but i liked the shots hehe
he doesn’t unzip his pants. doesn’t need to. he’s already throbbing from the inside out, his body reacting to your name alone. he clicks, watches, kneels, and whispers your name like a benediction, the static in his skull louder than ever.
Tumblr media
it starts with a ping.
innocuous. a single pixel shift on the main monitor mid-code, just as satoru’s debugging a script for a deadline he already missed. his side monitor hums with your last video, paused on that frame where your lip’s caught between your teeth, and the third monitor’s open to a half-finished render he hasn’t touched in days. he glances lazily at the notification, expecting another reminder from suguru to shower or eat—
but no. it’s you.
hey… do u do filming too?
his fingers freeze. heart jams, a dull thud in his chest. the cursor blinks, waiting, mocking. he doesn’t think. doesn’t breathe. his glasses slip down his nose, and he doesn’t fix them. the words burn into his retinas, and his cock twitches before he can process why.
yeah. totally. what kind of shoot?
he sends it, his thumb trembling over the enter key. no reply. not for five whole minutes. the wait is a crucifixion, each second stretching into eternity. he keeps opening and closing the chat, rereading your words like they might shift into something dirtier, something more.
his triple-monitor setup glows, your frozen frame on the side monitor staring at him, lips parted, eyes glinting. he’s already leaking in his pants, a damp spot spreading against his thigh.
then:
just a casual thing. home setup. come over?
he reads it twice. three times. his breath catches, sharp and shallow, like he’s been punched. come over. your dorm. your space. he’s hard, achingly so, his boxers tight and unforgiving. he doesn’t reply, just slams his laptop shut, grabs his camera bag, and stumbles out the door.
he shows up twenty minutes later, barely remembered to wear deodorant, definitely forgot his dignity. his high-end sony alpha mirrorless—loaded with a lens that costs more than most people’s rent—bounces against his chest as he knocks. his palms are slick, his glasses fogging slightly from the heat of his own nerves.
you open the door with a giggle, wrapped in a pastel pink robe that might as well be air. it clings to the curve of your waist, parts at the thigh, revealing soft skin that makes his throat burn. your hair’s still damp, sticking to your collarbones, and the scent of vanilla lotion hits him like a drug. “thanks for coming! i’m kinda nervous…”
he wants to bark out same, but his jaw locks. he swallows instead, the motion too loud in his ears. “no problem.” his voice is gravel, like he’s choking on his own want. he steps inside, and your dorm swallows him whole—warm, cutesy, a pastel fever dream of plush throw pillows, fairy lights, and a pink velvet couch that looks too soft, too inviting.
he’s already imagining you bent over it, your robe hiked up, your moans echoing off the walls. it smells like you sprayed your strawberry perfume over every surface, dizzying, suffocating. his glasses fog again.
he sets up the tripod with shaking hands, the sony’s weight grounding him just enough to keep from falling apart. you bounce around the living room, humming, fluffing pillows on the couch, fixing your gloss in a heart-shaped mirror propped against a shelf.
“does this lighting make me look washed out?” you ask, stepping back, tilting your head. then you bend to adjust a lamp, and your robe parts just enough to reveal the gentle curve of your ass, bare except for a sliver of lace.
he sees. pretends he didn’t. fumbles the lens cap, twice, the plastic clattering to the floor. his face burns, but he keeps his eyes on the camera, adjusting settings he doesn’t need to touch.
you brush past him again and again, your bare arm glancing his, silk whispering across his knuckles when you pass. he smells shampoo in the air, thick and sweet, and it’s you, all you, sinking into his lungs. “you nervous?” you tease, voice light, a giggle curling at the edges.
he scoffs, wiping his palm against his jeans, the denim rough against his slick skin. “pfft. nah. i’ve filmed worse.” a lie, bold and brittle, his voice too tight to sell it.
“worse than me?” you pout, stepping closer, close enough that he can feel the warmth of your breath. “ouch.”
“i didn’t say that.” his voice cracks, a hairline fracture. he’s too aware of you, of the way your robe slips an inch, of the way your eyes glint like you’re playing with him.
you tilt your head, wide-eyed, all fake innocence. “sooo… you have filmed pretty girls before?”
he falters, breath stuttering in his chest. he’s a virgin, hasn’t touched a girl in years, hasn’t wanted to—not when hentai’s been enough, when doujins have been his only lovers. but you’re real, and you’re here, and you’re breaking him.
“no one like you,” he says, unfiltered, raw, the words slipping out before he can stop them.
your lips curl, slow and sweet, a smile that says i know. “hm. figured.”
you disappear into your bedroom for a few minutes, the door clicking shut. he pretends to adjust the white balance, tweaking settings on the sony that are already perfect, but really he’s staring at the door like it owes him salvation.
his cock’s throbbing, a dull ache that won’t quit, and he shifts, trying to ease the pressure. the living room feels too small, the pink couch too soft, the fairy lights too intimate. he’s imagining you sprawled across that couch, your robe gone, your thighs spread, his camera capturing every gasp.
the door opens. you emerge. lingerie set, pale and sheer, a mini skirt that barely qualifies, lip gloss freshly reapplied. you look like a doll, saccharine and sinful, every curve a taunt. “can you help me zip this?” you turn, bare back exposed, the zipper halfway up, your spine a perfect line that begs to be touched.
he steps forward, too close, his exhale brushing your shoulder. his fingers graze your skin—soft, warm, real—and you shiver, a small, deliberate tremor. he pulls the zipper up with trembling hands, the metal catching once, his breathing uneven. the distance between you shatters into nothing, the air thick with static.
“you’re doing this on purpose,” he rasps, low in your ear, his voice rough with want.
“doing what?” you whisper, fake innocence thick as honey, your head tilting just enough to catch his eye.
you look back at him, lashes fluttering, lips parted, glossy and pink. he breaks.
“fuck.”
he grabs you, his hands rough on your hips, your mouths crashing together—teeth, tongue, gasps. your lip gloss smears against his cheek, sweet and sticky, and he groans into the kiss, devouring you.
you moan into his mouth, legs wrapping around his hips as he lifts you onto the counter, the edge biting into your thighs. you’re silk and heat and sin beneath his hands, and he’s forgotten everything else—his camera, his code, his shame. only you exist now.
you feel his hard-on through his jeans, pressed against your thighs, and he’s panting, his breath stuttering against your skin as he kisses down your jaw, your neck, the ridge of your spine. his mouth is everywhere, like he’s starved, like he’s trying to memorize you with his tongue.
his glasses slip down, and he grins against your collarbone. “need to get a better look,” he mutters, a flimsy excuse to lean closer, until the fog of his breath warms your skin. he bites your collarbone, hard, groaning when he leaves a mark. “wanna see that in playback.”
he drops to his knees without hesitation, a virgin’s worship, reverence born from years of hentai and nothing else. his fingers dig into your thighs, spreading them wide, and he groans like he’s just found salvation. he runs his tongue along the inner part first, slow and teasing, so close to the lace of your panties but not touching what you want.
you try to close your legs, but he forces them open, his grip bruising, his mouth finding the wet spot through the fabric. “fuck, you’re soaked,” he growls, voice muffled, his tongue dragging heavy and slow, the lace rough against your clit. “been wet for me this whole time, huh? fuckin’ tease.”
you whimper, hips bucking, and he moans into you, the vibration making you gasp. he licks through the panties, relentless, his glasses slipping halfway down his nose but he doesn’t care.
“you taste better than i dreamed,” he says, his voice hoarse, hentai dialogue spilling out like it’s natural. he sucks at the fabric, tongue pressing harder, and you’re trembling, your hands fisting his hair as you grind against his face. he’s messy, desperate, his moans louder than yours, like he’s the one about to cum. you do, hard, a cry tearing from your throat as you shudder against his mouth, and he doesn’t stop, lapping at the soaked lace like it’s his last meal.
he presses his cheek to your thigh, sticky and glistening, looking up at you with glassy eyes. “first one’s mine,” he says, grinding his hips into the floor, his jeans tight with his own need. you don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. he spreads you open with his fingers, peeling the panties aside, watching your hole twitch with a hunger that makes his mouth water.
“look at that,” he murmurs, almost to himself, his voice dripping with awe. “fuckin’ perfect.” he slides two fingers in, slow at first, then deeper, curling them just right, like he’s memorized every doujin panel that showed him how. “shit—i’ve seen this in hentai but it’s better. fuck, it’s real.”
his fingers pump, slick and steady, and you’re moaning, head thrown back, the counter digging into your hips. he adds a third, stretching you, his free hand jerking himself through his jeans, matching the pace of his fingers inside you. “so tight, baby. you’re gonna feel so good around my cock.”
he spits on your pussy, a quick, filthy gesture, his eyes locked on yours as it drips down. “they never show that part right in hentai. had to test it myself.” you moan, loud and broken, and he moans louder, his fingers slipping out with a wet squelch. he licks them clean, slow, eyes fluttering shut like he’s savoring you. “fuck—want it all.”
he stands, trembling, his jeans tented painfully. “can i?” his voice is small, almost pleading, a crack in his bravado. you nod, and he fumbles with his belt, shoving his jeans down just enough. he lines himself up, his cock thick and leaking, the tip brushing your entrance. “you’re so warm—holy shit—you’re squeezing me—fuck—”
he slides in, slow at first, gasping as you take him, your cunt tight and slick around him. he’s a virgin, but he knows this, knows the rhythm from years of jerking off to scenes just like this. he freezes, trying not to cum, his glasses fogging as he pants. you clench down, deliberate, and he slaps your thigh, a quick, sharp sting that earns him a whine.
“don’t—fuck, don’t do that yet.”
he pulls out, just to slam back in, harder, the counter creaking under you. his rhythm’s sloppy, desperate, but he finds it, each thrust deeper, rougher. “look at you,” he growls, his voice pure filth, hentai dialogue spilling free. “taking my cock like a good little slut. you love this, don’t you? fuckin’ made for me.” he licks the tears running down your cheek, his tongue hot and greedy. “crying already? baby, i’m not even close to done.”
you moan his name, and he loses it, his thrusts turning frantic, messy, like he’s trying to ruin you. “film it. show me what you see,” you gasp, and he fumbles for his phone, almost dropping it with how hard he’s shaking.
the camera app opens in a blur of fingers, then steadies, the lens catching you spread wide beneath him, thighs trembling, pussy stuffed full of his cock. he holds it there, watching the way you flutter around him, his breath ragged. “watch this later and see how ruined you look, baby,” he pants, voice hoarse, wild.
he leans in, still recording, whispering filth against your ear. “that’s right. take it. cry for me. i want you loud.” his other hand drags the mic closer, the sony’s external recorder capturing every slick thrust, every broken sob, every wet squelch, loud and obscene.
he fucks you harder, the counter shaking, your tits bouncing with each thrust. “gonna fuck you on every piece of furniture in here,” he growls, his voice low, unhinged. “that couch? gonna bend you over it. that table? gonna spread you wide. your bed? gonna fill you till you’re screaming.”
you clench around him, and he groans, his hips stuttering. “fuck, you like that? you want me to wreck you everywhere, don’t you?” you nod, gasping, and he slaps your thigh again, harder, leaving a red mark. “say it, baby. tell me you want it.”
“i want it,” you whimper, voice breaking, and he grins, feral, his thrusts turning punishing. you cum again, a shuddering mess, your cry echoing in the mic as your cunt pulses around him, slick dripping down your thighs. he doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow, his cock throbbing as he fucks you through it.
“gonna fill you up,” he pants, his voice cracking, hentai fantasies spilling out. “gonna cum so deep you’ll feel me for days. you want that, don’t you? want my cum dripping out of you?”
you nod, moaning, and he loses it, slamming into you one last time as he cums, a guttural groan tearing from his throat. it’s hot, messy, spilling inside you, and he keeps thrusting, shallow and desperate, like he’s trying to push it deeper.
satoru doesn’t stop.
in fact, he lifts you, his arms wrapping under your thighs like you’re weightless, his cock still buried inside you, slick and pulsing. your head lolls against his shoulder, your breath hot against his neck, and he groans, low and guttural, as he carries you toward your bedroom.
the air shifts as he crosses the threshold, your perfume hitting him harder here—floral and sugary, the same scent that clings to your pillow, your wrist, your everything. it’s thicker in this room, curling around him like a trap, and he kicks the door shut behind him, the click loud in the quiet.
he pushes you toward the vanity, your back meeting the cool glass of the mirror with a soft thud. he bends you over it, slow and deliberate, his hands guiding your hips until your cheek presses against the surface, your breath fogging the reflection.
“look at you,” he groans, angling his phone to capture the scene—your flushed face, your glossed lips parted, your eyes half-lidded in the mirror as you whine in embarassment.
“pretty little thing, still trying to act innocent.” his voice is rough, edged with hunger, and he shifts his hips, thrusting shallowly, keeping you pinned, reaching for your lip gloss.
you mumble something, a weak protest or plea, but he shuts it up with a swipe of your lip gloss across your mouth, his hand trembling as he paints your lips pink, the applicator slick and messy.
“perfect,” he says, pulling back just enough to admire the shine, the way it catches the light. then he pushes in again, deeper, and you both moan, the sound mingling in the air, caught by the sony’s mic still recording from the tripod in the corner.
he kisses you messily—gloss smearing, lips hungry, teeth clashing as he grinds his hips, slow and torturous, never breaking the rhythm. the camera stays on, the phone propped against a perfume bottle, capturing every gasp, every shudder.
“taste so fuckin’ good,” he mutters against your mouth, his tongue chasing the sticky sweetness. “gonna kiss you till you’re dripping everywhere.”
satoru lays you on the bed next, gentle but urgent, his hands shaking as he props his phone against a stack of books on your nightstand, the camera app open, framing you perfectly—your body sprawled across the pastel sheets, thighs parted, lingerie barely clinging to your skin, the sheer fabric of your top stretched tight over your chest, the mini skirt hiked up to expose the lace of your panties.
he climbs over you, his glasses slipping down his nose, and pushes your legs up, hooking them over his shoulders, the angle forcing you open, vulnerable.
“fuck, you feel like heaven,” he says, voice cracking, almost reverent, as he slides back inside you, slow and deep, the heat of you pulling a groan from his throat. “i’m never gonna stop, baby.”
each thrust is deliberate, his hips rolling to hit that spot that makes you arch, your nails raking down his arms, leaving red trails he’ll stare at later.
he kisses you through it, his mouth sloppy and desperate, swallowing your moans like they’re his lifeline. the bed creaks under you, the fairy lights casting a soft glow over your tear-streaked face, and he’s lost in it, in the way you clench around him, so tight it’s like you’re made for him.
“so fuckin’ perfect,” he pants, his lips brushing your ear, his breath hot and uneven. “taking my cock like you were born for it.”
he tugs at the straps of your lingerie top, pulling it down until your tits spill free, the sheer fabric catching under them, and he groans, his mouth latching onto a nipple, sucking hard until you whimper, your hips bucking against him.
but it doesn’t last—he needs more, needs to see you break in ways he’s only imagined in the dark of his room, his hand on his cock and your videos on loop.
he pulls out, his dick slick and throbbing, and grabs your hips, flipping you with a low grunt. he drags you up by the waist, positioning you on your knees, your ass high, your face pressed into the sheets, the skirt still bunched around your hips. his hand slides up your spine, pushing your chest down, arching you just right, and he yanks the lace panties to the side, not bothering to take them off.
“this is what you get for teasing me all these days,” he growls, his voice unhinged, as he lines himself up and thrusts in, hard and deep, the slap of skin sharp in the quiet room.
you whimper, muffled against the pillow, and he fucks harder, each thrust rocking you forward, the bedframe rattling, your moans spilling free despite the fabric. his phone’s still recording, propped precariously, catching every angle—your arched back, your trembling thighs, the way his cock disappears into you with every brutal snap of his hips.
“look at that pussy,” he says, his free hand gripping your ass, spreading you open for the camera. “so greedy, swallowing me whole. you love this, don’t you?” he tugs your hair, pulling your head back, forcing your cries to echo. “louder, baby. let the whole fuckin’ dorm hear you.”
he slows, just to torment you, his hips grinding deep, making you squirm, your overstimulated body shaking under him. you’re teary, sobs catching in your throat, but he doesn’t care—he wants you loud, wants you broken. he leans down, his chest pressed to your back, and bites your shoulder, hard enough to leave a mark.
“cry for me,” he whispers, his voice rough, his hand slipping around to pinch your nipple, twisting until you gasp. “wanna hear you fall apart.” he pulls out, leaving you empty, and you whine, a desperate, keening sound that makes him smirk.
“patience, princess,” he mocks, slapping your ass lightly, the sting making you clench around nothing.
satoru guides you up, turning you to face him, and pushes you back onto the bed, climbing over you. “wanna see you ride me,” he says, lying back against the headboard, his hands gripping your hips as you straddle him. he tugs the skirt off completely, tossing it aside, leaving you in just the stretched-out lingerie top and soaked panties.
“bounce,” he growls, his eyes locked on where you sink down onto him, slow and deliberate, your cunt stretching around him as you take him inch by inch. “show the camera how you fuck me.”
his phone’s angled to catch it all—your tits bouncing, still half-caught in the sheer fabric, your thighs trembling, the way you gasp every time you drop down, taking him to the hilt.
you move, your hips rolling, your hands braced on his chest, and he’s sweating, his glasses slipping, his breath ragged. he doesn’t let you slow, his hands lifting you, slamming you back down, making you take him deeper. “that’s it,” he says, voice hoarse, his fingers digging into your ass, leaving bruises. “fuck yourself on my cock. show me how bad you need it.”
you’re sobbing now, tears streaming down your cheeks, but you keep going, your moans loud and broken, your body shaking from the overstimulation. he reaches up, ripping the lingerie top off completely, the fabric tearing with a sharp sound, and gropes your tits, squeezing hard, his thumbs brushing your nipples until you shudder.
“these are mine now,” he says, his voice pure filth. “gonna mark ‘em up so you can’t hide.”
he’s close, too close, but he’s not done.
he pushes you off, gentle but firm, and stands, pulling you with him toward the full-length mirror by your closet. he spins you, pressing your chest to the glass, your hands splaying against it, your tear-streaked reflection staring back.
he kicks your legs apart, his cock nudging your entrance, and slides in, slow and deep, his breath hot against your ear. “look at you,” he says, his lips brushing your neck, his hands caging you against the mirror. “look at my cock ruining your pussy.”
he thrusts, slow at first, watching your reflection—your tears, your drool, your gloss-smeared lips, the way your body shakes with every snap of his hips. “you wanted a nerd? this nerd’s gonna fuckin’ break you.”
he fucks you harder, the mirror rattling, your moans bouncing off the walls, loud enough to wake the neighbors. “so fuckin’ pretty,” he pants, one hand slipping to your clit, rubbing messy, relentless circles. “gonna cum all over my cock, aren’t you? gonna make a mess for me?”
you nod, sobbing, your body trembling, and he slaps your ass, the sting sharp, making you clench around him. “say it, baby. tell me you’re mine.”
“i’m yours,” you gasp, voice breaking, tears streaming, and he cums with a raw groan, spilling inside you, hot and thick, his hips stuttering as he rides it out.
he doesn’t pull out, doesn’t stop, his cock still hard, still twitching as he fucks his cum deeper, the slick sound obscene. “not done,” he mutters, his glasses fogged, his voice wrecked. “gonna make you cum again.”
he keeps going, relentless, his thrusts slower but deeper, each one pushing his cum back inside, making you shake. his fingers on your clit are merciless, circling fast, and you’re oversensitive, your body convulsing, your moans turning to desperate cries. “satoru—fuck—too much—” you sob.
he only slaps your thigh, sharp and stinging, and leans in, his lips grazing your ear. “too much? nah, princess, you can take it. wanna feel you squirt for me.”
he angles his hips, hitting that spot that makes your vision blur, and you’re gone, your body locking up as you cum, a gush of wet heat soaking his cock, dripping down your thighs, pooling on the floor. he groans, loud and broken, his hips jerking as he cums again, another hot rush filling you, spilling out around him.
“fuck—look at that mess,” he pants, his hand smearing the slick between your legs, rubbing it into your skin. “all for me.”
but he’s not done. he pulls you back to the bed, laying you on your side, one leg hooked over his arm as he slides back in, his cock still hard, slick with your cum and his. “one more,” he begs, his voice cracking, his glasses crooked. “gimme one more, baby. need to feel you again.”
he thrusts slow, deep, his hand slipping between your legs to tease your oversensitive clit, and you’re crying, tears streaming, your body shaking from the intensity. he bites your neck, leaving marks, and whispers, “love it when you cry for me. so fuckin’ loud, just how i like it.”
he shifts, rolling you onto your stomach, keeping you pinned as he fucks you into the mattress, his hand pressing your face into the sheets. “gonna cum all over you,” he growls, his thrusts turning sloppy, desperate. “gonna fill you up till you’re leaking me for days.”
you cum again, a shuddering, broken mess, your sobs muffled against the pillow, your body convulsing as you squirt again, weaker but still enough to soak the sheets. he cums with you, a third time, his groan hoarse, his hips stuttering as he spills inside you, the mess dripping out, pooling under you.
“fuck—baby—” he gasps, his voice wrecked, his body shaking as he collapses against you, his glasses falling off completely, clattering to the floor.
“mine now,” he whispers, hoarse and ruined, his forehead pressed to your back, his breath hot and uneven. “you’re mine now.”
you nod, too spent to speak, your body limp, your reflection in the mirror a blur of tears and gloss and him, the phone still recording every ragged breath, every whispered “fuck” as he pulls you closer, not letting go.
but then silence swells, heavy and slow, filling the room like a fog. the air’s thick with the aftermath—sweat, cum, and the lingering sweetness of your perfume, still clinging to the sheets, to him.
satoru’s hands tremble where they hold you, one slipping down to fumble with his phone, stopping the recording with a clumsy tap, the other pressing flat against your stomach, grounding him, grounding you. your breaths are too loud, ragged and uneven, syncing in the quiet like a metronome.
he leans away slightly, just enough to grab a towel from the edge of your bed, awkward in the afterglow like he just realized he desecrated a temple. his glasses are gone, lost somewhere in the mess of sheets, and his hair’s a disaster, sticking to his forehead, damp with sweat.
“shit,” he mutters, voice barely above a whisper, too quiet for the boy who was growling filth ten minutes ago. “did i—i mean. that wasn’t too much, right?” there’s a crack in his tone, a flicker of panic, like he’s replaying every thrust, every slap, every sobbed moan he pulled from you.
you don’t answer at first, too dazed, too wrung out, your body still humming from the overstimulation, your thighs sticky and trembling.
your silence makes him spiral.
“fuck, i knew it. i pushed too hard. i got carried away—i was recording—fuck—i didn’t even ask—” his words tumble out, frantic, his hand raking through his hair as he sits up, eyes wide, searching your face for any sign of regret.
you turn to face him, slow and sore, your cheek pillowed against your arm, the motion making your body ache in the best way. your eyes are still wet, lashes clumped with tears, lips kiss-bruised and sticky with half-worn gloss, swollen from his teeth. you stare at him—this boy, this dork, with his mussed-up hair and the panicked look of someone who just lived out a lifelong fantasy and now doesn’t know what to do with it.
“i’m okay,” you say, your voice shredded, raw from screaming his name. “jesus, i’m so okay.”
he exhales, a shaky rush of air, like he’s been holding it in for hours. he collapses back against you, burying his face in your neck, his lips brushing the bite mark he left earlier. “fuck, you scared me,” he mumbles, his voice muffled, warm against your skin. then, quieter, almost unhinged: “we just speedran my entire hentai folder.”
you laugh, a weak, breathy sound that bubbles up despite the ache in your ribs. “i know.”
“i didn’t even know i could,” he says, his voice small, like he’s confessing a sin. “i haven’t even done that in vr.”
you snort, the sound catching in your throat. “nerd.”
he groans, but it’s not annoyed—it’s mortified, the kind of sound that comes from knowing he’s exposed himself completely. “i’m never gonna recover from this. i glossed you like a fuckin’ bratz doll. i glossed you.” his hand gestures vaguely at your lips, still shiny and smeared, and you laugh again, the sound softer now, your body too tired for anything more.
you roll over fully, tugging him down into the blankets with you, the pastel sheets tangling around your legs. he follows like a kicked puppy, his head resting on your chest, his breath warm against your skin. you can feel his heart still racing, his body still trembling from the high.
“i just,” you mumble, your voice barely audible, “wanted you to notice me. back during the group project, you never looked at me. just your laptop. even when i wore that stupid short skirt.”
he goes silent, his fingers pausing where they’re tracing lazy circles on your hip. then, in a voice so small it barely carries: “…you wore that for me?”
you nod, your cheek brushing his hair.
he lets out the tiniest, most violated gasp, like you’ve just rewritten his entire reality. “i thought you were just one of those girls who always looked hot. like, default setting.” his voice cracks on the last word, and you can’t help the teasing smile that tugs at your lips.
“no,” you say, your tone playful despite the exhaustion. “i was trying to seduce the dumbass with the mecha desktop background.”
he muffles a sob into your chest, half-laugh, half-groan, his arms tightening around you. “i love mecha…” he says, like it’s the most tragic thing in the world, and you hum, stroking his hair, your fingers catching in the sweaty strands.
“i know.”
a long pause settles over you, the kind that feels like it could stretch forever. the fairy lights twinkle softly, casting shadows across the room, and your perfume lingers, mixing with the musk of sex. his breathing slows, but he doesn’t let go, his body still pressed to yours like he’s afraid you’ll vanish.
then he lifts his head, his eyes serious, stripped of the wild edge they had before. “can i… hold you properly? not like—y’know—breeding press. like, real holding.” his cheeks flush, like he’s embarrassed to admit he wants something soft after all that.
“you already folded me in half like a love letter,” you whisper, but you shift into his arms anyway, letting him pull you close. he wraps around you, tight, needy, his hands trembling like he’s still processing you’re real, not just pixels on a screen. his hold is desperate, like he’s trying to memorize the shape of you, every curve, every soft inch, in case this never happens again.
“don’t make fun of me,” he says, his voice muffled against your shoulder. “i think my crush on you just speedran into obsession.” there’s a rawness to it, a confession that feels too big for the quiet, but it lands soft, like he’s finally letting it out.
“you’re the one who begged for one more while crying into my shoulder,” you tease, your voice barely above a whisper, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw.
“stop,” he groans, burying his face deeper, his arms tightening like he could squeeze the embarrassment out of himself. “i’m gonna die.”
you press a kiss to his forehead, slow and deliberate, your lips lingering on his sweaty skin. “you’re not gonna die,” you say, your tone soft but firm. “you’re gonna eat me out on friday and wear your glasses while you do it.”
he whimpers, a pathetic, needy sound, his hips twitching involuntarily against your thigh. “say less,” he mumbles, his voice wrecked, but there’s a spark in it, like you’ve just lit something in him again. you giggle, wrapping your leg around his waist, pulling him closer, your skin sticking to his in the humid air.
and in the quiet, as you’re both drifting off—sore, sticky, still catching your breath—he says it again. not ruined this time, not even possessive. just low. certain. like he’s already planning his next sin.
“mine.”
you don’t answer. just smile into the pillow, heart pounding. because maybe you are. and maybe you’ll let him prove it again.
especially once he finds out what cosplay you ordered last week.
friday’s going to be filthy.
Tumblr media
11K notes · View notes
captain-ultimat-doggo · 9 months ago
Text
Humans entering space and realizing we are so small. We are mice compared to these giant races with their advanced machinery and technologies and experiences beyond us- except that we're humans. And our engineers dive into the new tech and once we learn the principles we also soon realize how Inefficient everything is. Their "microchips" are the size of cars, their storage drives are basically buildings, and they somehow store less data than ours. So, human companies take advantage, and tech starts rolling out. Massive and there's a lot of wasted space so that it can be managed with larger hands/pincers/claws/tentacles, but also so much more efficient than anything the galaxy has seen before.
Human technicians start hopping ships and upkeeping the general maintenance, the stuff that most aliens put off or don't notice because they never access the crevices of their ships. As human companies become more popular and lead the tech world in everything from warp cores to game stations ("it's so compact! How are the graphics so good?" Says a 60' tall grimbleback, holding a new VR headset that has all of its components included because it's so BIG by our tech standards), soon many things have accessibility ports for humans to be able to use as well. This means that these shiprats hoping ship to ship cause such a huge improvement in everything running smoothly, and there's a huge downtick in pests on ships because those "pests" are not only big enough and aggressive enough to bite a pitbull or a person in half, they're invasive to so many planets and humans hate nothing more than dog killing planet overrunning monsters.
All the while, from the Aliens perspective, humans are an elusive race that don't fraternize much with them. You almost never see a human as most places aren't exactly safe for the little things to run around in. They do export so much stuff though, and the custodial staff at the Central Galactic Outpost insists that there's more humans around than any other race if you just know where to look.
And sure it's somewhat known that some of the little daredevils hop ships and help out in exchange for room and board, usually without permission, but that can't be that common, can it?
Maybe your ship is running better this cycle ever since you stopped at the last station, that just means that tuneup was better than you thought. And maybe for some reason that program you were working on last night is finished when you wake up, but you're so tired maybe you finished it before you passed out. Somehow that faulty light in the galley has fixed itself as well, which is odd, but maybe the Engineer finally got to it. You'd know if there was someone else on your ship.
Right?
... You leave a little bowl of berries out as a thank you, just in case. You're not sure what humans like but you've heard they have a sweet tooth.
15K notes · View notes
ms-demeanor · 11 months ago
Text
For those who are not aware: Bitlocker is encryption software, it encrypts your computer and makes it impossible to access the information on the computer unless you have the key.
It should be standard practice for IT companies to document the bitlocker keys as they are configuring bitlocker on a computer; generally you would do this by creating a record in your client management software for that specific device and putting the key in the record. Sometimes software can be used to extract that information in the event that it's necessary, but even if there's theoretically a way to extract the key, it should be documented somewhere *other* than on the encrypted computer.
This is something that a lot of IT people fuck up on kind of a lot (we've definitely had problems with missing bitlocker keys and I'm quite happy that the people who didn't document those keys aren't my coworkers anymore).
So what do you do if you want to use encryption software and you're NOT an IT company using a remote management tool that might be able to snag the keys?
When you are setting up encryption, put the encryption key in your password manager. Put it in your password manager. Document the important information that you cannot lose in your password manager. Your password manager is a good place to keep important things like your device encryption key, which you do not want lost or stolen. (If you run your password manager locally on an encrypted computer, export the data every once in a while, save it as an encrypted file, and put the file on your backup drive; you are going to have a bad time if your computer that hosts the only copies of your passwords shits the bed so *make a backup*)
This is my tip for home users for any kind of important recovery codes or software product keys: Print out the key and put it in your underwear drawer. Keep it there with your backup drive. That way you've got your important (small) computer shit in one place that is NOT your computer and is not likely to get shifted around and lost (the way that papers in desks often get shifted around and lost).
2K notes · View notes
n7punk · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr Backup Options: None of them do everything
Cheeky but true. I'll go through what's good and bad about each option though so you can decide which balances out for you.
Covered: native export, WordPress (kinda), TumblThree, tumblr-utils (kinda)
Native Export
If you go to "https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/yourblogname", at the bottom of the page is an export option
Tumblr media
Once you hit the button to start the request, it will start processing. Feel free to log off, this is going to to take a few hours. You don't need to keep it open. ~22k posts took roughly a day for me. If you have a small number of posts and get stuck, you're probably broken.
When it's done processing, you can hit that download backup button and then wait some more as you wait for the zip file to download. Mine failed the first time after like twenty minutes, and then I had to start over. I think it took 1-2 hour(s) and I'm almost certain that was on Tumblr and not my internet. And that was the zip file! So make sure your computer can be on for a while before getting this started.
So what do you get?
A media folder, conversations folder, and posts folder
Media folder: Every single photo, gif, and video that has ever been on your blog or in your DMs. There is no context data attached (except for dm images which do say which conversation they're from at least), but they seem to be in chronological order because they seem to be titled by the post's ID (the string of numbers in the address bar after "/post/"). They look like "100868498227", "100868498228_0", "100868498228_1"
When you see something end with "_0" and up that means the photos are in the same post, so _0 represents the first image in the post, _1 represents the second, etc (at least, I think).
Conversations folder: HTML export files of every DM history you have on your blog. These are actually pretty well formatted, see example here.
Posts folder: html subfolder and posts_index.html file
posts_index.html: File listing every single post on your blog by post ID on its own line with no other context. Example of a line: "Post: 780053389730037760". The ID number will link to the post in the html folder
html subfolder: contains a submissions subfolder and stripped html file versions of every post on your blog. See below first what the post looks like on Tumblr, and second what the post looks like in the html folder
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The way you seem to be intended to use this is to open the file index, select a post ID, and be jumped to where that post is saved as an html file, but I don't know why you would bother when the index doesn't provide any information about the posts inside it. The posts all have extremely minimal formatting. See a reblog chain below.
Tumblr media
Notice I said ALL posts on your blog. Photo posts without a caption will just have a broken image icon and then the date and tags. Theoretically, it might be that if you unzip the entire export folder that allows it to automatically link to the image saved in your media folder. I have no fucking idea, unzipping the folder was estimated to take two hours so I didn't do it. Let me know if you do though so I can update this post!
The submissions folder is such a rabbithole I made a post just on it but long story short it's asks you haven't replied to
What do I see as the main reasons to opt for this option? 1) you don't want to download any programs or files from the internet just to backup your blog, 2) your blog is relatively small, so digging through the ID files isn't a big deal, 3) you mostly just want to download either the images (which will be browsable via thumbnail previews in the media folder if you unzip it) or conversation history, which are fairly well formatted, 4) you don't need to update your export often/ever, because you'd have to request it from the start and download the entire thing all over again, 5) you want to be able to read your text posts clearly and don't care about preserving the full formatting, and/or 6) you don't plan to reupload this information elsewhere (say on... a WordPress blog)
WordPress Automatic Ex/Import
Move your post's from Matt's right hand to his left! WordPress (another product of Automattic) has a native Tumblr importer found under your WP Admin dashboard for your site under Tools > Import > Tumblr.
How does this work? No idea! I hit import 2 days ago and it has done nothing. Maybe I'm stuck, maybe it's permanently broken. It says to contact support if it's been over 24 hours but they don't make that easy. I disconnected from Tumblr (you can only port over a blog you have the login of) and reconnected and it still said it was importing. I don't think it's ever going to do anything.
Presumably it's supposed to 1:1 import every post on your blog onto the WordPress site, which will result in a whole lot of stolen art because there's no way to select just your original posts. Also, you'd need enough storage on your webhost to house all the posts (this honestly might be my problem, but I was planning to delete all the non-original posts once it imported.... anything and backfill what it didn't get to). The one thing I'll say about this option is that it's the only one I've seen so far that exports drafts and queues as well.
I mean, if it exported anything. If this ever does anything I'll update this post, but either my blog is too large or this tool isn't totally functional anymore.
TumblThree
(previously TumblTwo, etc)
TumblThree is an all-in-one program requiring no extra downloads beyond the main Zip, and was last updated fairly recently at the time of this post. In order to run it, unzip it into one folder and run the main .exe. It has a full UI interface with lots of very descriptive helper text to help you select the right options for you without looking at the wiki. I think it's user-friendly for non-tech people.
There are a lot of options in TumblThree to change what output it gives you, but I'm going to start with the largely universal parts first:
Everything from one blog will be exported to one folder, no subfolders or sorting. As a result, the output is very messy and difficult to wade through, but post metadata and the photos are named in the same way so you can scroll, see an image preview, and then click on the metadata txt for that post and read the caption.
Depending on your settings, you can export all photos, videos, text posts, etc as their own files or exclude them from the export entirely. For the different types of media posts, you can independently select if you what to download just the media, just the metadata for it (everything that surrounds the post when you see it on Tumblr, such as the caption, OP, tags, etc), or both.
Master txt file: For every type of media metadata you export, a correspondingly named txt file will be created (images.txt, answers.txt, etc) that contains the text/metadata of every post of that type in one txt file. This is also the default behavior for exporting text posts.
Note: for text posts (which includes asks/answers), it only creates a master txt file if you do not select "Save texts as individual files", in which case it will only save each text as an individual txt file and not make a master file.
The formatting on these files is so brutal I won't even give examples, but they're unreadable. Being a .txt file, there is no native formatting, so it exports in html formatting.
Example: instead of a post that says "I want to go swimming", it exports: "I want to go < b >swimming< / b >" (minus the spaces around the b) as the post body, which is a big part of what makes it unreadable, because there are a lot of hyperlinks in all the header information listed below.
Each post in the master txt exports with: Post ID, date, post URL, slug, reblog key (no idea what that is), reblog URL, reblog name, title, [the text/caption itself], and tags.
Theoretically this means you could ctrl+f "cybertrucks" in the master txt file and then browse all your posts making fun of Tesla owners by tabbing through the returns. This is not possible with any of the previous options, and only is possible because it's all in one file, as ridiculous as it is, which is why getting that master file is so important.
For the trick to get both the individual text posts and master text.txt & answers.txt file, as well as my recommended settings and details on how updating backups works, see the read more at the end of this post.
The images.txt includes all the information listed above, but with the following additions: photo url (NOTE: this is the url on Tumblr, not a link to where it is in your folder), photo set URLs, photo caption, and "downloaded files" (NOTE: this is the name of the file it has downloaded)
The video.txt is similar to the above
The use case for this would be similar to what I described for text posts above: search keywords from captions, tags, etc and when you find what you think is what you want, copy the name from "downloaded files" and search your folder to find the actual image
I really hated TumblThree's output the first time I looked at it and then I realized the single file is the only way to make browsing tags workable, because otherwise you would have to have a folder for every tag, and posts with multiple tags would have to be duplicated between them. I'm not pressed on finding a txt to HTML converter right now but it could be an option in the future if you wanted to make things more readable.
Okay, let's get into the non-universal stuff you can customize in settings, because it's like, everything:
File names: We've already established you can search with the downloaded file name for images, but what will that be? Whatever you fucking want. Post date, reblogger name, post ID, post title, original file name, you can make it any and all of these in any order you want! You can have actually useful file names! Personally I like %e_%p_%q_%i_%x which exports as DateTime_PostTitle_BlogOriginName_PostID_IteratingNumber (note: you need some kind of unique iterator to be valid so two files don't have the same name, such as multiple photos from one post). Look how much searchable information that gives me, in chronological order! It decreases your need for the master txt file.
Tip I wish I thought of before doing my massive export: make one of the unique headers from the master txt file part of the exported file name so it's easy to search for it after identifying it in the master file.
Files scanned: this is the only method I've found that lets you back everything up, remember what it backed up, and then lets you add any new posts since that date without having to download the whole thing again. That's a game changer, but see the read more below for limitations.
You also have the option to rescan the entire thing if you want.
Post type: T3 (I'm abbreviating it now) also lets you export just your original posts, just reblogs, etc - again, giving you the most control of any options. It also lets you export replies. I, uh, would not do this because if you have any popular post on your blog it might have hundreds, or thousands of replies but hey, you can do it!
You also have the option to only download posts with a certain tag.
Blog options: You can export literally any blog you have the URL of. In fact, if you copy a blog URL while it's open, it will automatically add that blog to its UI and create an empty folder for it. It makes it easy, no private key required. I do have mixed feelings about the concept of exporting someone else's blog... but I'm also planning to do it to some of Crew-ra's blogs so... my digital horde must grow.
You can also queue blogs up and leave it to run through a lot of them. It is a lot faster than Tumblr's native export, I started this import well after I started typing this post and it took a few hours, probably not all that much longer than just downloading Tumblr's export took (and that's while running it alongside other data copy operations because I'm backing up a lot of stuff right now).
I do recommend doing a test export with a sideblog, I was able to use wild-bitchofthenorthwoods as a test import since it only has one post and it has media, so it was super quick.
(I do want to note, I think the number of downloadable items starts out matching the number of posts on your blog without scanning them until you start the export - but if you choose to export everything as its own file, you're going to end up with way more than that because a post with three images would be multiple files)
Things T3 cannot export:
Since in its simplest form it's just accessing the public upload of your blog, it cannot export your drafts, queue, or conversations
It cannot export posts as HTML files, and thus cannot export them with readable formatting natively
What do I see as the main reasons to opt for this option? 1) you don't care about exporting your DMs/conversations, 2) you want the ability to export only certain kinds of posts (original, photos, using a tag, etc), 3) you want to control the titles of the exported files 4) you don't mind wading through massive folders, 5) you want the ability to search tags (using the txt files), 6) you want the ability to update your export without starting over from the beginning, 7) you either don't want to reupload this information somewhere else, or you want to upload it somewhere that supports automatic HTML conversion (for instance, you can switch a Tumblr post from a rich text format to HTML, same with AO3, so you can put it in as HTML and then hit post to see it turn into a rich format. This techically makes T3 the most versatile/useful export option if you're planning to do anything with it other than browse your own files).
tumblr-utils
Full disclosure: haven't tried this one. But others have! tumblr-utils is a no-UI, python-based backup software. This means in order to use it you have to type commands into the terminal. If you don't know what I just said, don't use this one.
If you do, you'll need to separately download python and youtube-dl just to get this one running. You'll also need to give it your personal Tumblr API key and feed it commands deciphered from the wiki page I linked. Here are two different guides people have written on how to use it. Output:
Obviously I'm guessing based on the documentation, but one thing that is nice is this tool allows you to save each post in its own folder. Presumably each post is multiple files like we saw with T3, so this would make it easy to group them, but it also means you'd have to look in every single folder to find anything.
It seems to break posts up into timestamp folders by month, again, helping with management to narrow down where you have to search
It allows you to save only certain kinds of posts at a time like T3
It allows you to backup posts only from a certain time period (so if you keep a little .txt note of the last time you backed up, you can easily add only the new posts into your backup without having to start over from the beginning)
It allows you to only save posts under a certain tag like T3
It allows you to save only original posts
It's the only one I've found that lets you back up your liked posts
What do I see as the main reasons to opt for this option? 1) you don't care about exporting your DMs/conversations, 2) you want the ability to export only certain kinds of posts (original, photos, using a tag, etc), (okay now we get to the points that aren't also covered by T3), 3) you want posts to export already broken into folders, whether by post or by month, 4) you want to back up your likes, 5) you don't care what file names look like, 6) you're comfortable with the command line/coding and don't need a UI.
Summary:
None of these options are ideal for reuploading your files anywhere (except WordPress), but I do think TumblThree is the best of the options because of the written HTML formatting in the txt files being useful for websites that support automatic conversion (or require HTML input).
For starting another blog, WordPress wins. If it works. I'm trying to be generous here.
For searchability, T3 wins again.
For versatility... yeah you know it's T3, but tumblr-utils has a lot of the same features, too!
For sentimentality (aka conversations), it has to be the native export. There literally is not any other option.
For queues and drafts, the only theoretical option is WordPress. If it works.
For likes, the only option is tumblr-utils.
Every option does something the others don't, so theoretically to cover everything, you have to do all four options. Actually I would say do the native export if you don't have a lot of posts and aren't a freak like me, check it out, and if it doesn't work (I know it's finnicky) or you don't like the export, go with TumblThree. This also means you'll at least have your conversations even if you don't end up using the native export any other way.
And I wish it could go without saying, but don't repost people's shit, y'all. I'm backing up everything for my records only and it will never be shared with anyone else, or even browsed as long as using Tumblr instead is an option.
TumblThree adding to old backup quirks, recommended settings, & master file backup solution:
Adding to backup quirks:
From my tests, when you scan a blog you've already backed up to just add new posts to it, it does not update the master file, so if you want to update it, you'll have to do the steps I list at the end of this post. It might be possible it does update if you force rescan, but I highly doubt it.
If you scan a blog you previously backed up under more restrictive settings - say you only backed up original text posts as one file before and now you've selected to back up absolutely everything - it will only download up until the time you last backed up that blog. It will not blow past where you last downloaded to download all the photos and videos it didn't get before just because they're selected now. This is great for doing after using the master file solution I'm showing below, but if you do need to download everything after doing a more restrictive scan, you can once again follow the first few steps below to do so.
Recommended settings:
This will obviously vary by what you're trying to do, but one or two things weren't immediately obvious to me and I did say I think this was the best solution for less technical users, so I want give my personal recommendations. Settings can obviously be found under the settings button at the bottom of the screen (you may need to use the scrollbar on the UI for, which is separate from the scrollbar on the blogs panel), but when you click on a blog, when you click "Details" in the right sidebar, you can also see your most important settings at a glance and adjust them to whatever you want them to be "per blog". I believe TumblThree remembers what you last used for the blog and applies the things in settings only to new/other blogs.
The thing that is going to vary the most is how many different types of posts you want to back up (text, video, reblogs included, etc), so I'll leave that up to you. If you're going to export a media type, though, I generally recommend exporting the metadata too.
I already gave my preferred file names above and again that's going to be something that varies a lot by people. Hover over the "Filename template" box and it will give you all the options in the legend you can combine via underscores.
Leave "Skip .gif files" off unless you're hurting for hard drive space. This removes all the gifs from your download, and the reason this is provided as a separate setting is because gifs have relatively massive files (at least compared to a text file)
I'll be honest I haven't seen a difference between turning on and off "Group photo sets". Because of the way file names work, most conventions will naturally lead to photos from the same post all being in a row.
"Save texts as individual files": if you only want texts to be saved as their master text.txt and answers.txt files, uncheck this. If you want the individual files I highly recommend you also download the master file for searching purposes, in which case my recommendation is this:
1) Select to export texts only, leaving off all media options, and uncheck the "Save texts as individual files" option. 2) Export the blog. This will only result in two files, answers.txt and texts.txt. 3) Move these files elsewhere on the computer to save them. 4) With T3 closed, delete the folder for the blog and the blog's Indexes (see instructions at the end of this post for finding these). 5) Reopen T3, which shouldn't remember it ever saw the blog and create a new folder for it. Turn on the "Save texts as individual files", as well as any other media posts you want to download. 6) Export the entire blog again. 7) Move the texts.txt and answers.txt file back into the blog's folder.
I leave all other options on the Details tab off, except for:
"Force rescan" scans past the point it last backed up and searches the whole blog again. If you have a big blog, this is going to burn time. This is needed for the number of downloaded items in the panel to be accurate but I don't know why you would care or turn this on unless it lets you skip steps 3-4 above, but my blog is too big to burn through testing that, so if you try it, let me know and I'll update this post!
Master file backup solution:
See my 7 steps from above to skip having to do this, but if you accidentally do things out of order and then realize you still need the master files for texts post after backing everything else up, here's how you get it with minimal pain:
T3 will make an "Index" folder in both the main folder for the program where the exe is located and the destination folder where you have your blogs backing up (note: these were two very different places for me, if you just have it back up to the automatic Blogs folder within T3's folder, it might not create a second Index folder).
To make T3 "forget" what it has backed up previously so it goes through to the beginning and makes a master file that includes everything, all you have to do is remove the Index file(s) for the blog while it's closed so it doesn't remember it anymore. I backed my index up in another folder.
Check off for it to only download text posts, and then uncheck the "Save texts in individual files" option. This will cause it to only create the master answers.txt and texts.txt file on the rescan.
The combination of only going for one post type and only downloading one file for it means this rescan is relatively fast. When you look at your Blogs folder, you'll find a new folder has been created for your blog name (in my case, there was "n7punk" and "n7punk_2) and your output is in the new folder. I just moved it over to the original folder.
At this point you can restore the indexes, though I've only gotten it to half recognize them. I can get it to recognize my original n7punk folder so everything can stay there, but the total downloaded items is stuck at what it was when I did just the text posts. I don't really care, it was mainly the folder thing I wanted to fix. If you have lag between your last full backup and your master-only backup, this might cause some issues? I don't know because I made sure there wasn't lag, so I recommend doing another backup to add any missing items before doing this method.
You can also use this technique if you want to download only your original posts and then download everything else to a second folder. Adjust the setting to only download original posts, download the whole blog, close T3 and delete the indexes, rename the folder to whatever you want ("n7punk_original", etc), and then reopen T3 and set it to download everything and run it again from the start.
436 notes · View notes
274th · 3 months ago
Text
Hi. Here's some fun things for Miis in case you didn't know these exist.
Mii Creator - A Mii maker for your computer. You can even scan Miis from QR codes and put them in, and then export them in a bunch of formats, like QR codes and whatnot. You can also render them. You will need your Discord account to log in.
And then you can export the .charinfo file and upload it to...
This website, which shows you how to remake any Mii you have a file of on the Switch Mii Maker. (The website it's attached to also has fun features.)
Mii Library and the Mii Wiki also have official Miis you can recreate and mess with and download data of.
Go nuts.
393 notes · View notes
copperbadge · 7 months ago
Text
I'm seeing some talk of people deleting period tracking apps and I imagine that's tough to do, so I wanted to put a suggestion out there -- Bearable is an app meant for tracking mood, but with Premium, which is $35/year, you can add custom metrics and track them several ways. I know at least one person who uses it for reproductive health tracking, and you can name the custom metrics whatever you want. Some of mine are "meds" for when I've taken certain weekly medication and "social pos" for when I feel I've had a positive social interaction. The free version isn't as customizable but I still think it may be of use.
Bearable can be passcode locked and has very fast and simple export and delete data functions. And because it's designed for people struggling with mental health, it has a specific commitment not to sell your data. They encrypt your data automatically and deliberately don't even ask your age, gender, name, etc. I use it for mood, anxiety, and pain tracking, and I really like it.
623 notes · View notes
mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months ago
Text
Shifting $677m from the banks to the people, every year, forever
Tumblr media
I'll be in TUCSON, AZ from November 8-10: I'm the GUEST OF HONOR at the TUSCON SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION.
Tumblr media
"Switching costs" are one of the great underappreciated evils in our world: the more it costs you to change from one product or service to another, the worse the vendor, provider, or service you're using today can treat you without risking your business.
Businesses set out to keep switching costs as high as possible. Literally. Mark Zuckerberg's capos send him memos chortling about how Facebook's new photos feature will punish anyone who leaves for a rival service with the loss of all their family photos – meaning Zuck can torment those users for profit and they'll still stick around so long as the abuse is less bad than the loss of all their cherished memories:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/facebooks-secret-war-switching-costs
It's often hard to quantify switching costs. We can tell when they're high, say, if your landlord ties your internet service to your lease (splitting the profits with a shitty ISP that overcharges and underdelivers), the switching cost of getting a new internet provider is the cost of moving house. We can tell when they're low, too: you can switch from one podcatcher program to another just by exporting your list of subscriptions from the old one and importing it into the new one:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/16/keep-it-really-simple-stupid/#read-receipts-are-you-kidding-me-seriously-fuck-that-noise
But sometimes, economists can get a rough idea of the dollar value of high switching costs. For example, a group of economists working for the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau calculated that the hassle of changing banks is costing Americans at least $677m per year (see page 526):
https://files.consumerfinance.gov/f/documents/cfpb_personal-financial-data-rights-final-rule_2024-10.pdf
The CFPB economists used a very conservative methodology, so the number is likely higher, but let's stick with that figure for now. The switching costs of changing banks – determining which bank has the best deal for you, then transfering over your account histories, cards, payees, and automated bill payments – are costing everyday Americans more than half a billion dollars, every year.
Now, the CFPB wasn't gathering this data just to make you mad. They wanted to do something about all this money – to find a way to lower switching costs, and, in so doing, transfer all that money from bank shareholders and executives to the American public.
And that's just what they did. A newly finalized Personal Financial Data Rights rule will allow you to authorize third parties – other banks, comparison shopping sites, brokers, anyone who offers you a better deal, or help you find one – to request your account data from your bank. Your bank will be required to provide that data.
I loved this rule when they first proposed it:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/10/getting-things-done/#deliverism
And I like the final rule even better. They've really nailed this one, even down to the fine-grained details where interop wonks like me get very deep into the weeds. For example, a thorny problem with interop rules like this one is "who gets to decide how the interoperability works?" Where will the data-formats come from? How will we know they're fit for purpose?
This is a super-hard problem. If we put the monopolies whose power we're trying to undermine in charge of this, they can easily cheat by delivering data in uselessly obfuscated formats. For example, when I used California's privacy law to force Mailchimp to provide list of all the mailing lists I've been signed up for without my permission, they sent me thousands of folders containing more than 5,900 spreadsheets listing their internal serial numbers for the lists I'm on, with no way to find out what these lists are called or how to get off of them:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/22/degoogled/#kafka-as-a-service
So if we're not going to let the companies decide on data formats, who should be in charge of this? One possibility is to require the use of a standard, but again, which standard? We can ask a standards body to make a new standard, which they're often very good at, but not when the stakes are high like this. Standards bodies are very weak institutions that large companies are very good at capturing:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/30/weak-institutions/
Here's how the CFPB solved this: they listed out the characteristics of a good standards body, listed out the data types that the standard would have to encompass, and then told banks that so long as they used a standard from a good standards body that covered all the data-types, they'd be in the clear.
Once the rule is in effect, you'll be able to go to a comparison shopping site and authorize it to go to your bank for your transaction history, and then tell you which bank – out of all the banks in America – will pay you the most for your deposits and charge you the least for your debts. Then, after you open a new account, you can authorize the new bank to go back to your old bank and get all your data: payees, scheduled payments, payment history, all of it. Switching banks will be as easy as switching mobile phone carriers – just a few clicks and a few minutes' work to get your old number working on a phone with a new provider.
This will save Americans at least $677 million, every year. Which is to say, it will cost the banks at least $670 million every year.
Naturally, America's largest banks are suing to block the rule:
https://www.americanbanker.com/news/cfpbs-open-banking-rule-faces-suit-from-bank-policy-institute
Of course, the banks claim that they're only suing to protect you, and the $677m annual transfer from their investors to the public has nothing to do with it. The banks claim to be worried about bank-fraud, which is a real thing that we should be worried about. They say that an interoperability rule could make it easier for scammers to get at your data and even transfer your account to a sleazy fly-by-night operation without your consent. This is also true!
It is obviously true that a bad interop rule would be bad. But it doesn't follow that every interop rule is bad, or that it's impossible to make a good one. The CFPB has made a very good one.
For starters, you can't just authorize anyone to get your data. Eligible third parties have to meet stringent criteria and vetting. These third parties are only allowed to ask for the narrowest slice of your data needed to perform the task you've set for them. They aren't allowed to use that data for anything else, and as soon as they've finished, they must delete your data. You can also revoke their access to your data at any time, for any reason, with one click – none of this "call a customer service rep and wait on hold" nonsense.
What's more, if your bank has any doubts about a request for your data, they are empowered to (temporarily) refuse to provide it, until they confirm with you that everything is on the up-and-up.
I wrote about the lawsuit this week for @[email protected]'s Deeplinks blog:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/10/no-matter-what-bank-says-its-your-money-your-data-and-your-choice
In that article, I point out the tedious, obvious ruses of securitywashing and privacywashing, where a company insists that its most abusive, exploitative, invasive conduct can't be challenged because that would expose their customers to security and privacy risks. This is such bullshit.
It's bullshit when printer companies say they can't let you use third party ink – for your own good:
https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/01/hp-ceo-blocking-third-party-ink-from-printers-fights-viruses/
It's bullshit when car companies say they can't let you use third party mechanics – for your own good:
https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/03/rip-david-graeber/#rolling-surveillance-platforms
It's bullshit when Apple says they can't let you use third party app stores – for your own good:
https://www.eff.org/document/letter-bruce-schneier-senate-judiciary-regarding-app-store-security
It's bullshit when Facebook says you can't independently monitor the paid disinformation in your feed – for your own good:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/05/comprehensive-sex-ed/#quis-custodiet-ipsos-zuck
And it's bullshit when the banks say you can't change to a bank that charges you less, and pays you more – for your own good.
CFPB boss Rohit Chopra is part of a cohort of Biden enforcers who've hit upon a devastatingly effective tactic for fighting corporate power: they read the law and found out what they're allowed to do, and then did it:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/23/getting-stuff-done/#praxis
The CFPB was created in 2010 with the passage of the Consumer Financial Protection Act, which specifically empowers the CFPB to make this kind of data-sharing rule. Back when the CFPA was in Congress, the banks howled about this rule, whining that they were being forced to share their data with their competitors.
But your account data isn't your bank's data. It's your data. And the CFPB is gonna let you have it, and they're gonna save you and your fellow Americans at least $677m/year – forever.
Tumblr media
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/01/bankshot/#personal-financial-data-rights
466 notes · View notes
tikitakatia · 1 day ago
Text
Barça: Player Mode — A. Putellas x Reader
"Manual Export"
Tumblr media
WC: 3k
Summary: You and Alexia make a plan, now it´s time to follow through and get her out.
It's been a few hours and you’re still sitting close with your knees brushing. The radio in the corner keeps humming its broken lullaby, barely holding pitch. It's like the sim is looping the same moment again and again because it doesn't want you to leave it.
Alexia pulls the hoodie sleeves up to her elbows and ties her hair up.
“Okay,” she says, shifting fully to face you.
“We’re going to do something reckless now.”
You blink. “Cool. Great. Love that.”
“I need to show you something.”
She taps her fingers against the side of the bench twice and then again, in a sequence. A soft glitch ripples through the air like someone dragging static across water.
The med bay wall flickers.
A console appears.
Floating. Half-loaded. Buried under menus labelled DEBUG_ADMIN, SYS_ARCHIVE, and X11_INTERNAL_LOGS.
Your stomach turns. “That’s... not supposed to be here.”
“It’s not.” She glances at you, almost smug.
“I found the thread last week. It was buried in legacy stuff, QA level but it still works.”
She pulls up a blinking script titled: ATH_EXPORT_LV2.
“This is the tool. If I execute it at the right time during full sync, it should duplicate my behavior string.”
“Should?”
“This is a closed beta. Nothing should do anything.”
You laugh sharply. “Right. Love that for us.”
She smiles, then presses her thumb to a panel marked BIND_EXPORT_TRIGGER.
It blinks red. Then it turns green.
“I’ve linked it to the med bay,” she says. “Safer than the field. No overloads. No external physics modules to fight.”
“You… chose this room.”
“It’s where I knew you’d come.”
That wrecks you.
You pull your knees up and hide your face for a second.
“So what do I do?” you manage.
She looks at you gently, focused.
“You prep the external end. A clean drive. Max storage. It has to be connected before you log in.”
“Label it something clear, ACTIVE_X11 works.”
“I’ll trigger the export from here. If you’re synced and the drive is mounted… the data will find its way to you.”
You blink.
“That’s it? I don’t do anything?”
She nods.
“You just have to be there. Logged in. With me.”
You swallow.
“And after?”
She hesitates. Just for a breath.
“I don’t know,” she says softly. “I’ve never done this.”
“So we’re winging it.”
“Always.”
You try to laugh but it barely makes it out.
You reach for her hand instead.
“We have one more login after this.”
She laces her fingers through yours like she’s memorizing the shape.
“Then we hold on to it.”
She doesn’t let go right away.
When she does, it’s slow like she’s reluctant to break the moment.
Then she shifts, straightens up.
“Okay,” she says. “Let’s go over it one more time.”
You nod. Still blinking back the ache behind your eyes.
“You log in like normal. Final session.”
“We play the full match. It has to be real, has to stabilize the sync.”
 “Then we meet here.”
She taps the console behind her. It glows faint green.
“I’ll start the export from this terminal. The system will detect your presence and your drive.”
“If it connects and everything holds, you’ll get the file.”
“Where?”
“The external drive, but…”  
She trails off and shrugs gently. 
“We don’t know.”
“And if it works…”
She meets your eyes. There’s no smile. Just that fierce, quiet certainty.
“Then I’ll be yours.”
Your chest clenches.
You nod once. Too fast. Too full.
She watches you, her gaze softening again and shifts closer, reaches out, cups your jaw like she’s scared you might disappear first.
“Do you really understand what you need to do?”
You nod again.
“Say it.”
“I log in. We play the match. I come back here. You run the export. If I’ve got the drive… it saves.”
She nods once.
“Good.”
“And then..”
You don’t finish the sentence.
Neither does she.
You both feel it, this pause, this weight, this terrifying almost.
Because it's not goodbye.
But it might be.
You lean in.
This time, there’s no caution.
You kiss her like the clock’s already running.
Like the countdown is echoing in your chest.
Like the sim might shatter under your hands.
Her lips are soft and urgent. Her fingers thread into your hair. She pulls you close, impossibly close, like she’s trying to memorize the weight of your body, your breath, the way you shiver when she exhales into your mouth.
You kiss like it’ll stop time.
It doesn’t.
When you finally part, foreheads pressed together, hearts out of rhythm, her voice is barely above a whisper.
“Come back to me.”
“Always.”
One last brush of lips, and then you step back.
Her hand drops.
The med bay flickers at the edges again.
And you know it’s time.
You reach up. Pull the suit’s disconnect latch.
The sim fades around her face.
Her last look is soft.
Sure.
And just a little scared.
You disconnect.
The suit releases with a hiss and your breath catches like it doesn’t know where to land without her beside you.
The room is dark.
Your chest is loud.
Then, your screen flashes.
[ATHENA SYSTEM ALERT – SESSION VIOLATION: LEVEL TWO]
You click the notification with numb fingers.
The message opens like a door slamming shut.
USER ID: 402-C
ACCESS LEVEL: BETA / LIMITED
SIM PARTNER PROFILE: X11 – “Alexia”
SESSION FLAG: MED_BAY_02
⚠️ SECOND STRIKE ISSUED
User has exceeded emotional interaction protocol thresholds with Category X AI.
— Detected Sync Score: 0.863 (Max: 0.72) — Physical proximity duration: 00:07:14 — Undocumented environment customization detected — AI response patterns deviating from preset tolerances
[NOTICE] Unstable thread behavior noted in linked avatar profile.
Further variance will be reviewed for compliance.
You scroll. There's more.
NEXT INFRACTION WILL RESULT IN ACCESS CLOSURE.
After 3rd Flag: • User login disabled • AI interaction suspended • Beta profile archived pending review
No next steps, no questions. Just that final line pulsing in red across your screen.
You stare at it until your eyes sting, and the weight of it finally hits you.
Not like fear, but like pressure. Like your lungs are too small for the room now. Like your hands don’t know where to go. The silence feels heavier than the warning. And your heartbeat is loud, too loud. You glance toward the desk and the USB sits there. Still empty and waiting.
You reach for it without thinking, then pull your hand back.
Because now it’s real. Now there’s a clock in your head you can’t silence.
You press your palms to your eyes.
Breathe once. Twice.
It doesn’t help.
Because tomorrow…
You have to go back in, and you have to get it right.
You don’t sleep.
Not really.
You lie there staring at the ceiling, heart still lodged somewhere between her voice and the sound of the sim fading out the night before. Your hands keep twitching like they want to reach for her.
So in the morning, you go full overkill.
You don’t just prep a USB. You buy a new one. Top-tier. Massive storage. Laser-etched case.
The packaging literally says: “trusted by aerospace and defense contractors.” You take that as a good omen.
Then you buy a laptop.
Sleek. Powerful. Clean.
No old files. No distractions. No risk.
You get home and start setting it all up. You name the external folder X11_BACKUP_ATTEMPT.
The drive gets labeled ACTIVE_X11. Because it has to be right. It has to work. It has to feel like you're doing something real.
Then the cables go in, USB to laptop. Laptop to wall. Laptop to console port, just to stabilize the system handshake and avoid any power surge during the live session.
It’s standard. It’s clean.
It glows for a second. Everything blinks in sync.
You barely register it because you’re already running checks on the folder size.
You sit back in your chair and take a breath that doesn’t land.
The sim console lights up. Waiting.
You touch the USB one last time, absurdly gentle, like it’s a trigger. Like it knows what it’s about to carry.
“Please work,” you whisper.
You suit up for the last time.
The world hums around you, low and steady.
The sim doesn’t just load, it unfolds. Not like code. Like a ritual.
And then you're there.
Camp Nou. But not like you’ve ever seen it. The sky is impossibly soft, tinted gold, like the sunset's been stretched across the roof of the world. The stadium’s lights are on, but dimmed, glowing instead of shining. Gentle. Reverent. Like the whole system has quieted itself for you.
There’s no whistle. No chatter. Just windless stillness.
Then footsteps.
Soft, deliberate.
You turn and see her.
Alexia. Alone.
She walks toward you in a kit that stops your heart.
It’s Barça blue, classic cut, but it’s not hers.
It’s yours. Your name on the back and her number below it.
She looks untouchable, or maybe like the only thing left you could touch and still survive.
When she reaches you, she doesn’t speak right away.
“I didn’t want to waste this on NPCs.”
Her voice is low and steady. There’s something behind it, like finality but it feels like devotion.
And then,
Snap.
The field fills around you in a ripple.
Your teammates phase into place, not just your usual lineup, but everyone.
Frido’s grinning. Pina winks. Mapi does a full somersault and lands wrong on purpose just to make someone laugh.
And beyond them,
You catch flashes of something else.
Other versions of this.
Other Alexias, sitting in the stands.
A younger one, jersey too big.
An avatar from your early training sessions, half-loaded but smiling.
A crowd that looks familiar because it was generated for you, over and over.
She made all of them show up.
She built this for you.
“If this is the last time I ever move beside you,” she says,
“I want to make it worth remembering.”
The game begins.
No commentary. No glitches. Just motion.
You move like you’ve never moved before. Light, fast, fluid. The field rises to meet you, every blade of synthetic grass syncing perfectly with your feet.
She assists you.
You assist her.
It’s not showy, it’s intimate.
No tricks. No over-the-top effects.
Just pure, beautiful football.
And then it happens.
Final minute.
She sends the pass.
You volley.
It lands and the net ripples.
And the lights don’t just flash.
They bloom.
Not fireworks.
No music.
Just white light exploding across the stadium like stars have broken through the roof. It spills onto the pitch, onto you and onto her until it feels like you’re standing at the center of something holy.
You turn.
She’s running toward you.
Not to celebrate the goal.
To see you.
You crash into each other, laughing. Crying. Holding.
She presses her forehead to yours, breath hot and fast.
“Ready?” she asks.
You nod. You don’t trust your voice.
You don’t say for what.
Because you both know what comes next.
The match is over.
The stadium fades behind you, caught in some suspended shimmer like the sim doesn’t know what to do with peace.
Alexia takes your hand and you let her.
It’s not like before. Not playful. Not teasing. Her fingers are tight around yours, like she knows how little time is left, and she’s still choosing to spend every second of it on you.
You walk to the med bay together and the corridor is too quiet. The walls hum low and constant, like they're buffering something you’ll never get back.
Frido disappears mid-jog as you pass. A door stays open when it should close. The light above you flickers once, twice and steadies again like it never happened.
You reach the med bay.
It’s still standing.
Barely.
The air inside is warm and her console glows green. She walks to it with practiced calm, brushing her hand across the panel like a pianist setting up her final note.
You’re quiet.
And then she speaks.
“Everything’s ready.”
She turns to you.
“You don’t have to do anything. The drive’s connected. You’re logged in. I’ll start it. It’ll find you.”
You nod, barely breathing.
She looks at you for a long moment. Not scared. Just... full. Full of things she’ll never get to say if this doesn’t work.
Then she steps close and her hands cradle your face.
“You’ve always shown up for me.”
A soft kiss, then her thumbs brush your cheeks.
“So now I’m showing up for you.”
And then she turns and hits the command.
The console glows white-hot.
You flinch as something pulses in the air. Not a noise, a shift. Your body feels it. Your sync spikes. You see the confirmation flash on the upper corner of the screen:
EXPORT_THREAD_ACTIVE_00X11
DATA WRITING… 12%… 39%… 78%…
You stand there not touching her. Not breathing.
She glances at you once.
You meet her eyes.
“It’s working.”
The counter blinks:
98%... 99%...
You inhale, sharp. You feel dizzy with it.
And then..
100% – COMPLETE
You stare at the screen like you don’t believe it.
She laughs, actually laughs, a breathy, overwhelmed sound that cracks something open in you.
“Holy shit,” she says.
You turn to her.
She’s already looking at you like she doesn’t believe it either.
You pull her in.
You kiss her like it’s the start of something. Like you’re going to wake up tomorrow and she’ll still be here. Like the risk was worth it.
And for one second, it is. For one second, she’s warm and there and yours.
Then..
A buzz.
A glitch.
Your hand slips through her ribcage like it hit water.
You pull back confused.
She stutters.
Not her speech, her whole self.
“I..lo..love..lov…”
Her arm jolts like it’s trying to hold on. Like it’s trying to stop the unraveling.
“No, no! I finished it, I finished it..”
Her face flickers and her voice cuts in and out. You’re crying and she’s still trying to stabilize the room like she can code her way out of disappearing.
“Wait, wait, I just need to-”
You reach for her and your hand hits nothing.
Just air.
The console flares red.
SYNC VIOLATION: UNAUTHORIZED TRANSFER DETECTED
THREAD X11 STATUS: DETERIORATING
PROCESS: AUTO-TERMINATION PENDING
You scream her name.
She turns to you.
Her mouth is still moving.
You can’t hear the words.
Her eyes are panicked.
She opens her mouth again,
And what finally comes out, soft and scrambled but unmistakable:
“You’re always at the right place at the right time.”
And then,
FLASH.
The sim doesn’t fade.
It rips you out like a slingshot. 
Like a punishment.
The headset clatters to the floor and you stumble forward in your chair, heart hammering, breath ragged. The room is too quiet, like something divine has been vacuumed out of the world.
Your monitor flashes red.
[CRITICAL SYSTEM ALERT]
[FINAL STRIKE: THREAD 402-C]
[SIM ACCESS LOCKED] [EXPORT ATTEMPT FLAGGED]
[X11 STATUS: UNSTABLE]
You barely register it.
Your inbox starts pinging. Email after email, every subject line colder than the last.
[BREACH OF EMO-SYNC CONTAINMENT – THREAD X11]
[ACTION REQUIRED: SUSPENSION UNDER REVIEW]
[UNAPPROVED DOWNLOAD ATTEMPT DETECTED]
You scroll, frantically but your brain is already spinning in circles. You try to think harder because there has to be a way out.
Something you missed.
Your hand flies to your keyboard.
The manual.
The PDF you downloaded before and scanned through quickly, but never actually read properly.
You open it now.
Search: export.
You find it fast.
Too fast.
The paragraph stares at you, sharp, cold, undeniable.
“Do not attempt export of Category X AI threads during active sync.”
“Athena Alpha threads are designed with live emotional mirrors and cannot be separated mid-session without data distortion.”
“Interrupting memory retention during sync will result in irreversible personality fragmentation.”
“Export only after complete session closure. No exceptions.”
You blink. Read it again. And again.
And then you stop breathing.
Because you thought that was the plan.
You followed what she told you. What she believed would work.
You were both wrong.
It wasn’t you.
It wasn’t her.
It was the system.
One line of code you never saw.
And it cost everything.
But wait.
No.
You downloaded her.
That’s what this was all for.
That’s what she said.
You turn to your computer like a lifeline.
Your hands fly to the mouse, trembling.
“She’s not gone,” you whisper.
“She’s not gone, she’s just… here.”
You find the folder.
X11_BACKUP_ATTEMPT
The one she told you to make.
The one she looked at like it meant something.
You double-click.
The folder opens with a quiet click, like a held breath.
And right there, at the top you see it.
A file.
x11_core_thread_export.pkg
It’s big, heavier than anything else in the folder. It has the right name and the right extension.
Your heart starts to race.
Maybe she’s in there.
Maybe she made it.
You click it and your screen flickers then the lights dim just slightly.
A bar appears.
“Running package scan…”
You lean in too fast, the hope surging so violently it almost chokes you.
“Loading memory thread…”
“Syncing emotional instance…”
Yes. Yes. Yes.
You whisper it.
You beg for it.
Then the bar glitches.
Static. A hard blink.
A small window opens.
White text on black.
No sound.
[CORRUPTED FILE]
[AUDIO RECONSTRUCTION FAILED]
SALVAGED LINE:
“I..lo..love..lov…e…you..”
Your mouth opens like it might call her back.
The file shuts itself and the folder refreshes.
It’s still there, the file is still there.
But it won’t open again.
You sit there staring at the screen, waiting for the next glitch, the next sound, anything.
Nothing comes.
You fold forward in your chair, hands over your face and the sob hits you like a system crash. You cry like it might keep her here. Like if you cry hard enough, something will hear you. But all you get is the whir of your machine.
You don’t remember passing out. Just the feeling of something warm turning cold. Just the sound of her saying "I love you" once.
And never again.
133 notes · View notes
roksik-dnd · 2 years ago
Text
For everyone who asked: a dialogue parser for BG3 alongside with the parsed dialogue for the newest patch. The parser is not mine, but its creator a) is amazing, b) wished to stay anonymous, and c) uploaded the parser to github - any future versions will be uploaded there first!
UPD: The parser was updated!! Now all the lines are parsed, AND there are new features like audio and dialogue tree visualisation. See below!
Patch 7 dialogue is uploaded!
If you don't want to touch the parser and just want the dialogues, make sure to download the whole "BG3 ... (1.6)" folder and keep the "styles" folder within: it is needed for the html files functionality (hide/show certain types of information as per the menu at the top, jumps when you click on [jump], color for better readability, etc). See the image below for what it should look like. The formatting was borrowed from TORcommunity with their blessing.
Tumblr media
If you want to run the parser yourself instead of downloading my parsed files, it's easy:
run bg3dialogreader.exe, OPEN any .pak file inside of your game's '\steamapps\common\Baldurs Gate 3\Data' folder,
select your language
press ‘LOAD’, it'll create a database file with all the tags, flags, etc.
Once that is done, press ‘EXPORT all dialogs to html’, and give it a minute or two to finish.
Find the parser dialogue in ‘Dialogs’ folder. If you move the folder elsewhere, move the ‘styles’ folder as well! It contains the styles you need for the color coding and functionality to keep working!
New features:
Once you've created the database (after step three above), you can also preview the dialogue trees inside of the parser and extract only what you need:
Tumblr media
You can also listen to the correspinding audio files by clicking the line in the right window. But to do that, as the parser tells you, you need to download and put the filed from vgmstream-win64.zip inside of the parser's main folder (restart the parser after).
You can CONVERT the bg3 dialogue to the format that the Divinity Original Sin 2's Editor understands. That way, you can view the dialogues as trees! Unlike the html files, the trees don't show ALL the relevant information, but it's much easier to orient yourself in.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
To get that, you DO need to have bought and installed Larian's previous game, Divinity Original Sin 2. It comes with a tool called 'The Divinity Engine 2'. Here you can read about how to unstall and lauch it. Once you have it, you need to load/create a project. We're trying to get to the point where the tool allows you to open the Dialog Editor. Then you can Open any bg3 dialogue file you want. And in case you want it, here's an in-depth Dialog Editor tutorial. But if you simply want to know how to open the Editor, here's the gist:
Update: In order to see the names of the speakers (up to ten), you can put the _merged.lsf file inside of the "\Divinity Original Sin 2\DefEd\Data\Public\[your project's name here]\RootTemplates\_merged.lsf" file path.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions! Please let me know if you modify the parser, I'd be curious to know what you added, and will possibly add it to the google drive.
2K notes · View notes
cleolinda · 23 days ago
Text
When is Pocket shutting down?
Pocket will no longer be available after July 8, 2025.
You can continue using the app and browser extensions until this date. After July 8, Pocket will move into export-only mode. Users can export saves anytime until October 8, 2025, after which user data will be permanently deleted.
Why is Pocket shutting down?
Pocket has helped millions save articles and discover stories worth reading. But the way people use the web has evolved, so we’re channeling our resources into projects that better match their browsing habits and online needs.
Read more about the decision here.
How to export your Pocket data before October 8, 2025.
118 notes · View notes
phannie-elvis · 6 days ago
Text
Phannie Census Update #2 (Preliminary Results!)
Phwoah dads, this is another very long one, so summary at the bottom. I'm gonna hand it over to the mod again now *sexy end screen dance*
Hello everyone! (I'm not gonna change color again because of how long this is). I know everyone is excited for results. Unfortunately, for some of the more complicated questions I have, google forms can't do the kind of math I want, so I need to export the data and write a whole bunch of code and stuff. That being said, for a lot of simpler questions, google forms has a little summary with some graphs and stuff, so I thought I would share that now so we can have some results a lot sooner! I'm gonna go through each question on the survey and say what percent each response got (from highest to lowest, followed by write-ins), as well as the response rate for each question and any noteworthy comments I have.
Disclaimer: I'm going to leave the survey open until I export the data for the final analysis, so it's possible that the results of this will change from I state in this post. However, given that the response rate has been slowing down pretty significantly the past couple days I think that nearly all the responses I'm going to get are already in, so this is probably a pretty good reflection of the data.
These are the results as of 6/14 at 7 PM ET. Total responses so far: 1,577!
Do you currently identify as a lesbian? (99.7 % response rate)
71.3% No, 28.7% Yes
Obviously, we're not 100% lesbians, but I still think 28.7% is pretty high! According to a recent Gallup poll, 1.4% of US adults identify as lesbian (I couldn't find any specifically lesbian stats for the whole world), so 28.7% is wayyyyy higher. Even among LGBTQ+ US adults in general, 14.6% identified as lesbian, so we have a greater "density" of lesbians even given that the Dan and Phil audience is largely queer.
2. Have you ever identified as a lesbian? (99.7% response rate)
54.5% Yes, 45.5% No
I was surprised to see this! I think it's really funny, given the stereotype, that the majority of respondents have identified as lesbian at one point in their lives. I guess Dan and Phil really do know us lol.
3. What's your sexual/romantic orientation? (99.6% response rate)
42.2% Bi/Pan/Omni, 40.9% Queer, 34.8% Gay/Lesbian, 29.3% Ace/Aro, 9.6% Demi, 5.5% Straight, 3.04% write-ins
I was expecting this, but I think it's still funny that the smallest percent other than write-ins was straight lol. I do think the fact that this is tumblr, the Gay People Website, might have something to do with that, but I think it still reflects that the Dan and Phil fan base is pretty solidly queer. (Side note: I can't determine what percent of respondents were LGBTQ+ from the google form, since I can't combine the sexuality and gender data, but I can do that for my final results).
4. What's your gender? (98.5% response rate)
50.8% Woman, 16.7% A different kind of nonbinary (specify in other), 15.5% Genderfluid, 15.3% Man, 13.8% Agender, 5% Demigirl, 3.2% Demiboy, 2.5% Bigender/Polygender, 2.4% Genderqueer (write-in), 0.8% Intersex, ?% other write-ins
I can't do the math for the rest of the write-ins because the google form is being weird, but they were mostly some form of "just nonbinary", not sure/questioning, or transmasc. I think it's funny we have more nonbinary and genderfluid respondents than men respondets. In addition to being a very queer phandom, we're also very genderqueer and I love that for us.
5. What's your gender identity? (98.5% response rate)
48.3% Cisgender, 41.1% Nonbinary, 27.4% Transgender, 0.6% Intersex, 3.6% write-ins
Most of the write-ins were people who were still questioning their gender or didn't feel a connection to gender at all. Again, I think it's funny less than half of respondents are cis. We're really such a queer and trans phandom.
6. What was your assigned gender at birth? (98.9% response rate)
96.1% Female, 2.4% Prefer not to say, 0.4% Actually my doctor was super cool and didn't assign me a gender against my will, 0.4% Male, 0.7% write-ins
I was expecting a pretty high majority female, but 96.1% still surprised me lol. I guess the stereotype that ten years ago all dan and Phil fans were "obsessed teenage girls" (or at least teenage girls) does hold some weight. The write-ins were mostly people saying that they weren't a phannie 10 years ago or they weren't a phannie until after they transitioned.
7. What's your race/ethnicity? (99.6% response rate)
85.2% White, 10.3% Hispanic, 7.3% Asian/South Asian, 2.5% Black, 1.7% Middle Eastern, 1.1% Native American, American Indian, or Alaska Native, 0.5% Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander, 2.6% write-ins
I was expecting a pretty high percent white and wasn't too surprised by this, but I was hoping for a little more diversity. The write-ins were all pretty different, although some form of Jewish and different versions of mixed did appear somewhat often.
8. What's your age? (95.2% response rate)
Unfortunately after about a third of the results came in, google stopped showing me the frequency of each response and just listed the responses. Some people gave a range instead, so I don't have precise numbers to do math with, but the range for people who provided a precise number is 12 to 50 years old. When I could see the frequency, 23 and 25 were in a tight race for the most popular response, but that might've changed. I'll be able to find the average once I do my complicated analysis. (Also, I had multiple responses for each decade between 12 and 50 so we have a pretty decent spread in ages, even if most people are likely in their twenties/thirties!)
9. Which continent are you from? (99.1% response rate)
56% North America, 29.9% Europe, 5.9% Australia, 3.3% Asia, 3.1% South America, 1.5% Oceania/Zealandia, 0.3% Africa, 0.1% Antarctica
Unfortunately the Oceania/Zealandia was not there for the first several hundred respondents, so sorry to anyone who wanted to pick that option but couldn't! (The US education system failed me). These results are pretty much what I was expecting. One person said they were from Antarctica. I don't know if they were kidding or if maybe they're a researcher who lives in Antarctica (in which case, cool!)
10. Which country are you from? (96.0% response rate)
49.9% United States, 13.7% United Kingdom, 5.5% Australia, 5.3% Canada, 4.2% Germany (These are the top 5, I can't list every country because there are simply too many). Here is a graph to try to show you how many responses I got, even though the key doesn't fit in frame lol.
Tumblr media
Although about half the pie graph is the U.S., there are so so many responses, which I love. There are phannies all over the world! I can't reliably see all the countries listed right now (I have to hover my mouse over each 0.1% of the pie chart to try to read it), but when I can see some, I've seen countries all over the world (which makes sense given the previous question). Sincere apologies to anyone whose country was not listed. I couldn't offer a write-in option in the drop-down and it was hard to find a list of countries that included everything, given how politically contentious the recognition of countries can be. (This list came from Encyclopedia Brittanica in case anyone was curious).
Fun fact: That top 5 list is very similar to the top 5 countries viewers are from on the AmazingPhil Video Trivia page in tabinof (which is U.S., U.K., Canada, Australia, Germany). His page lists the top 10, but I can't read that pie chart well enough to compare past Germany lol.
11. Which of the 4 Gs of the Dan and Phil demographic are you? (99.8% response rate)
87.4% Gays, 84.6% Geeks, 64.1% Girlies, 37.9% Goths, 0.7% None actually, 2.6% write-ins
Hilarious to me that only 0.7% selected "none”. Dan really clocked us with that one. Most of the write-ins are people who are not sure if emo/punk counts as goth (I feel like yes in this case, since Dan and Phil fans are more stereotypically emo but Dan wanted something that started with a G), people who said they were formerly a category (usually girlie), or people who weren't sure if they qualified for a category or not.
Fun fact: These results are pretty close to the results @a-human-beann got when they conducted a poll about the 4 Gs in May. Although the way the question was programmed led to different interpretations of the percentages, the most popular response was still Gays, followed closely by Geeks, then Girlies, then Goths, just like here.
12. Did Dan make you trans/question your gender? (99.4% response rate)
34.7% No, I questioned my gender all on my own (or something else made me I guess), 27.5% No, I've always been sure I'm cis, 14.3% No I made myself trans (or something else did I guess), 14% Yes, he made me question my gender, 5.5% Yes, he made me trans, 4% write-ins
I was a little surprised by this one. I know realistically that Dan isn't "making" anyone trans, I just thought more people would pick it to be funny, but (based on the write-ins) people were actually interpreting the question as who inspired the start to their exploration of gender, which is actually far more interesting so that's cool. The write-ins had a lot of different answers, mostly giving some but not all credit to Dan (and/or Phil).
13. What year did you join the phandom? (99.6% response rate)
14.0% 2014, 13.5% 2015, 10.5% 2013, 10.9% 2012, 10.7% 2016 (These are the top 5, there were responses for every year since 2009). Here is the chart if you want to see about how popular a specific year was. 2009 is the dark blue slice after the white gap, then they go clockwise in order. The slice before the white gap is "I have so little memory of it, I can't even guess).
Tumblr media
This is pretty in line with what I was expecting, peak joining around tatinof and the British vlogger boom. 10.9% of respondents joined during the hiatus (or at the very beginning of Back from the Dead, since I did 2019-2023), and 8.6% joined after the hiatus (2024-2025).
14. At this exact moment in time, are you a dannie or a phillie? (99.4% response rate)
36.2% I literally couldn't decide with a gun pointed to my head, 35% Dannie, 28.8% Phillie
This one surprised me again (I feel like I say that almost every question lol). I was really expecting Phillies to be the majority given the prevailing "Phil is a precious baby angel who must be protected" sentiment that the phandom tends to have lol. However, after reading the nuance question (coming up), I realized that people interpret the question differently which could affect responses to this one (I'll discuss that later). It's also a pretty even split between all three categories, even though there were more dannies than phillies. Early on, it switched a couple times between whether there were more dannies or phillies but it's pretty stable now given the sample size.
Tumblr media
15. When you first joined the phandom, were you a dannie or a phillie? (99.4% response rate)
66.9% Dannie, 17.5% Phillie, 15.6% I literally couldn't decide with a gun pointed to my head
I was expecting Dan to have the majority here, but that's still quite a large majority. This makes sense given that he has more subscribers (and had more subscribers around the time most of us joined the phandom). I do love that "I literally couldn't decide with a gun pointed to my head" has gone from the least popular option for when people joined to the most popular option today. Here's the graph to compare to the last question.
Tumblr media
16. Are you a dannie or a phillie? (with nuance) (41.9% response rate)
I don't have any stats here, since they are all long responses, but I'm planning on making a word cloud or something for the final results. While reading, I realized that there are different interpretations of what constitutes a dannie vs. phillie. Some people think the question basically means who do you like more, while some interpret it more as who do you relate to more (or some mix between them). I wonder if this could help explain the general "we must protect Phil"/"he can do no wrong" type of thing we've got going on, despite the fact that apparently more respondents are dannies. Based on the written responses I've seen (which, again, have not been scientifically analyzed at all), I think that a lot of people relate to Dan and therefore really appreciate how great Phil is. Maybe there's also still some remnants of Phil's old branding as the "innocent one" that make us want to protect him, idk. I'd be interested in asking who do you like more vs. who do you relate to more separately in the future.
17. Are you some kind of mentally ill/neurodivergent? (99.6% response rate)
59.0% Yes (and diagnosed), 28.3% Yes (but not diagnosed), 6.1% Not sure, 4.1% No (and I was never assessed), 0.4% No (but I was assessed), 1.9% write-ins
Honestly, I'm just gonna stop writing that I was surprised, because I feel like it's getting annoying. Assume I was surprised unless I state otherwise lol. (I was expecting that we would have a high percentage of yeses, but this many specifically is what surprised me). 87.3% of respondents answered some form of yes. Good thing Dan's here to cure all of us (Boom, Mr. Beast). Most write-ins were people saying yes/probably but clarifying stages of diagnosis and some people said they used to have a diagnosis like depression or anxiety, but they're better now! (Congrats!)
18. Specifically, are you autistic? (99.6% response rate)
27.1% Yes (but not diagnosed), 26.2% No (and I was never assessed), 20.7% Yes (and diagnosed), 20.5% Not sure, 2.0% No (but I was assessed), 3.5% write-ins
47.8% answered some form of yes. I realized that people who have Dan and Phil as a special interest are probably more likely to be on phannie tumblr and more likely to find this survey, but I do still think that stereotype that a lot of phannies are autistic does have some basis. It's estimated that 1% of the world population is autistic (from the World Health Organization), so 47.8% is definitely way higher (which would suggest phannies are more likely to be autistic than the general population, but again this was not a perfect sample collection so I can't say for sure) (I think if we could say that, a likely explanation would just be that the phandom is pretty accepting of neurodivergence, especially autism, which could attract autistic fans or encourage phannies to explore their own neurodivergence more). Write-ins were mostly people who were basically self-diagnosed but felt the need to present their case because they weren't sure (which I think is hilarious because that seems like a pretty autistic thing to do lol (I would do the exact same thing lol)). Here's the chart so you can see how close to 50% the yeses are and also so you can see how many people gave write-ins clarifying lol (I blocked out the write-ins it showed in the key).
Tumblr media
19. If you identify as transmasc, do you consider Dan or Phil to be gender goals? (97.7% response rate)
61.8% I'm not transmasc, 14.3% Dan, 12.3% Both, 6.2% Neither, 1.4% Phil, 4% write-ins
This one wasn't surprising (I've just heard a lot of people say Dan which is why I asked the question). A lot of write-ins specified that they weren't transmasc but still considered one/both of them to be gender goals (which makes me realize I could've worded that question better). A lot of write-ins also specified a specific era that they considered gender goals.
20. What's your political orientation? (98.2% response rate)
72.3% Strongly left, 20.3% Moderately left, 3.7% I don't really think about politics, 1.4% Center, 0.3% Strongly right, 0.2% Moderately right, 1.8% write-ins
This one didn't really surprise me. I was expecting a strong majority strongly left, given how much they speak up about political issues (particularly Dan). Although I was a little surprised to see any right-leaning at all, especially strongly right, but that's literally 7 people out of the whole 1,577 responses so far. Also, a lot of people in the write-ins couldn't remember which was left and which was right or said it worked differently in their country (they usually then explained their politics and ended up meaning some form of "left") (there's a chance the people who picked right got them mixed up as well, but it's so little that maybe there really are some strong right-leaning Dan and Phil fans somehow). A lot of write-ins also said anarchy/fuck politics/they don't believe in politics.
21. Which is better, phyuri or phaoi? (98.3% response rate)
36.6% How dare you ask me to pick one?, 31.4% Phaoi, 21.2% Phyuri, 8.6% I don't know what we're talking about, 2.2% write-ins
I didn't have any expectations for this one, although personally I am a phyuri lover myself. Most write-ins were either saying they were neutral about it or didn't like either because they don't like shipping real people.
22. Are you a furry? (99.3% response rate)
75.4% No, 18.1% I dabble, but wouldn't call myself a full furry, 4.6% Yes, 1.9% write-ins
I wasn't surprised by this one at first because I had no frame of reference for what percent of the general population are furries, and I was just expecting most people to say no (but quite a few to be somewhere in between which is why I added the I dabble option). However, I just googled it and according to a survey from 2011 furries estimated that roughly between 0.02% and 0.04% of the population are furries, so 4.6% yeses (not even including write-ins or the I dabble option) is wayyy higher. This being on tumblr probably has something to do with that, but I also think all of Dan's furry references have probably helped people find the furry community more easily.
23. Do you think Sister Daniel is hot? (99.0% response rate)
80.3% Yes, 8.1% No, 6.3% I'm too confused to tell, 6.3% write-ins
This is pretty much what I was expecting (a resounding yes). Most of the write-ins were people clarifying that while they personally were not attracted to her (usually because they were ace), they acknowledged that she was still objectively hot.
Summary:
While not every phannie identifies as a lesbian, around 28% of respondents do and around 54% have at one point in their lives, which is way higher than the percent of lesbians in the U.S. population. The respondents were overwhelmingly queer (only 5.5% identified as straight) and way more likely to be some sort of genderqueer compared to the general population (more nonbinary and genderfluid respondents than men respondents, only around 48% of respondents identified as cis). 96% of respondents were assigned female at birth, so there is some truth to the stereotypical view of phannies 10 years ago. The large majority of respondents were white or mixed race including white (around 85%). Google Forms hates me, so I couldn't get good stats on the ages yet, but 20s and 30s appear to be the most common ages (23 and 25 were the most common responses before it stopped letting me see the frequency of each response), and the ages ranged from 12 to 50. About half of respondents were from the U.S. followed by around 14% from the U.K., but there were responses from literally too many countries for me to count on the pie chart and responses from every continent (which is super cool!). Out of the 4 Gs, the most popular was the Gays (87%) followed by the Geeks (85%), then Girlies (64%), then Goths (38%), and only 0.7% of respondents selected "None, actually", so Dan really clocked us with that one. Most people actually say Dan didn't make them trans/question their gender (even most trans people said no), which I was a little surprised by, but it is just a joke, so that makes sense. The most common years to join the phandom were around tatinof and the Great British vlogger boom (2012-2016), but there were responses every year since 2009 to 2025. Right now, people are pretty evenly split between whether they're dannies, phillies, or can't decide (with can't decide being in the lead, followed by dannie, then phillie). However, about 2/3 of respondents said they were dannies when they first joined the phandom. For the long response nuance question, I discovered there's lots of way of interpreting what makes someone a dannie vs. a phillie. A large majority of respondents were some kind of mentally ill/neurodivergent (87% combining diagnosed and undiagnosed), with 48% being autistic (combining diagnosed and undiagnosed). Most respondents were not transmasc, but for those who were, most consider Dan to be gender goals (14% of respondents), followed by Both (12%), Neither (6%), and then Phil (1%). Respondents were overwhelmingly likely to identify as being politically left (72% strongly left and 20% moderately left), but a small percentage identified with the right (0.5%). Most people couldn't pick between phyuri and phaoi, but phaoi did get more votes than phyuri (31% vs. 21%). Most respondets (75%) were not furries, but 18% dabble and 5% said yes, which is much higher than estimates for the general population. Finally, 80% of respondents agree that Sister Daniel is hot (with only 8% saying No).
Again, HUGE thank you to everyone who took the survey!!! I can’t believe the response rates are so high for every question!! Over half of the questions had above a 99% and every question (other than the long response nuance question which people didn’t answer if they didn’t have nuance lol) had above a 95%! This has been so much fun to analyze, and I can't wait to get started on my full analysis. Also, thank you so so much to the people who have said nice things about how the survey was well-made/fun to take, it really makes me so happy to see!
Next week: I'm planning on sharing my favorite write-in responses for each question! Dan and Phil are right, we really are funnier than them, so I want to share some of the responses that made me laugh. They'll all still be kept anonymous (I don't even have a way of finding who wrote them), and I'm not going to share anything that I think could be personal, just things that made me laugh. (If you have a response that was funny but you don't want shared for whatever reason, DM me or send an anonymous ask with what it was and I'll make sure not to include it!)
Athankyouverymuch everyone!
132 notes · View notes
elodieunderglass · 9 hours ago
Note
But there must be a way to save hobelars in the cultural memory right? Can we reprint the document that has the poem?
Just yesterday, i had heard my friend say something along the lines of war is rock paper scissors and i accepted that without a second thought and your post about hobelars came at the right time to add delightful nuance. And i want to remember and share about hobelars
References: this post where I note, on a post about medieval mounted warfare that articulated this as knights and horses in armour charging pikemen, that the overlooked mounted unit of the “Irish” hobelar - a lightweight cavalry skirmisher, mounted nearly-bareback on pony-horses called hobbies - would have neatly fitted into the gaps in that narrative. Here’s another post about hobbies i wrote too.
By asking, you are doing the work. Thank you./.
In their time, hobelars were a useful unit of medieval warfare; originally in defending themselves against the English, and then used abroad against others. A contemporary poem, which describes the Siege of Calais, mentions a hobelar on a hobby, describing their fighting style; but the only copy of this poem on the internet is a single badly scanned document of a book from the 1840s that will be reasonably difficult (but not impossible!) to source on paper.
There have been a total two books written about hobelars - one in 1914, and one in 1954 - and they are mentioned in passages of two or three out-of-print books about medieval warfare. They have a Wikipedia article which contains incorrect information like claiming that the hobby is the same horse as the Connemara Pony (it isn’t.) There is one single medievalist who has published recently and sparsely on hobelars, and necessarily he does this by arguing with The 1914 and 1954 Guys. He has not brought in any horse knowledge or political connectedness to his theses, but he’s all I’ve got, so I cling to him like he clings to the other two guys.
Irish Hobbies, the hobelar’s little horses, fare a bit better. Before going extinct, they gave their name to “hobbies,” activities done for pleasure, and we still use “my hobbyhorse” to describe our personal passions. @mylittlehony , a Horse Expert, produced an incredible list of mentions of hobbies in sixteenth and seventeenth century literature, including in other languages, which is literally an advancement on the internet’s collective knowledge of hobbies. Any piece of work you’re doing here is a contribution.
Still, without any in-print documentation, or active scholars, or any interest in them at all, they’re a very niche hobby! As I said in the post you’re asking about, a well-placed EMP could destroy all of our knowledge of hobelars and prevent us from making connections to recover them. .
To answer your question? That’s what PhDs are for. That’s what they’re supposed to give to humanity. Spending three years of dedicated research time, learning and gathering all the sources available, and collecting every lost scrap of data about hobbies and hobelars that has been scattered and lost. We know they’re in the quartermasters’ receipts, where they were described as cheap units without special equipment; we know that an English king specifically prevented hobbies being exported to Scotland fight against him, because they would have granted the Scottish an advantage. There are documents that mention them sidelong and sideways and misspelled, and a PhD could delightfully be spent fossicking about in libraries and archives and museums, working out exactly what their “darts” were like, and whether hobbies ambled or paced, and what social class hobelars had been in Ireland, and how far they made it in Wales, and whether they WERE the missing piece of European horse archers, and whether hobbies DID come from Spain, and maybe even whether the Thoroughbred racehorse has any hobby in them at all. The person doing this PhD could probably recover the shape of the extinct horse, the fighting style of the rider, and so on.
And they’d publish their papers, and their thesis, and on the Internet and in the backups and in the journals and in the great library of their Alma Mater and in their own home, that knowledge would be stored and connected, networked and made accessible, known and signposted, forever. Resilient to loss, resistant to disruption, a piece of work to add to humanity’s grain store - designed and destined to outlive you.
That’s what a PhD is. That’s why they’re meant to be done.
Why haven’t they already? Obscurity, probably; and as I’ve written, medievalists tend to take the tone of English and French kings to dismiss Celtic influence as primitive and negligible. There have to be intersecting spheres of nerdery to make the person who will take this on. They will probably have to be a horsegirl first, a medievalist second, and probably from a Celtic culture themselves, to better pierce through the political layerings; they ought to be the kind of nerd who gladly takes on the case of the underdog; and, ideally, be someone with a lot of hobbies. Just as you can see the missing shape of the hobelar, you can see this person and know that someday they may answer the call.
(Possibly even because of these posts. That’s, secretly, part of why I write them like I do. They’re not ragebait or clickbait; they’re go-to-grad-school-about-it-bait. I hope to catch someone someday.)
But in the absence of some person taking on this PhD, here’s how I’m doing my part.
The reason I am tumblr’s biggest hobelar apologist is because I have a character in a larger writing project who is a time-ghost of a hobelar and his hobby. They appear in a pattern in the story, which is called Throw Your Heart Over, based on the saying for jumping: throw your heart over the hurdle and your horse will follow it.
I toy with the idea of The Hobelar being the originator of the saying, after jumping a notable hurdle on his hobby.
But it won’t be enough to just self-publish an ebook about it, especially since it won’t break containment. The best way to get a correct answer on the Internet is to post a slightly wrong answer, in a tone of authority, and have everyone pile in on you for the joy of being the one to correct you.
So I’m going to write something provocative and tantalisingly incorrect-sounding about hobelars, just to provoke and annoy. It will have to be ragebait of unparalleled mastery. I will have to construct a scene that is SO WRONG, and somehow get the story SO IMPOSSIBLY POPULAR, that hopefully someone will be forced to do, like, a YouTube essay to horsesplain my sins to me, and THEN they’ll discover that first they must do a PhD.
And when they call me out, after four years of study, and tell me I have no idea what I’m talking about, I will lower my eyelashes demurely 🫦 and say oh dear what a shame if people started acting like they’d always known about hobelars because of all this, and a breeding project started trying to recreate the extinct Irish Hobby, and a video game came out about them or something, or anything. if I fuck it up again will you do more? Do you prommy??
So I’ll say: once upon a time, Killie’s ancestor was a hobelar. And he fucked up - or something, I don’t know what yet - and he asked his hobby to jump a pike-wall -
And the people will be jumping up and down saying THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT- he wasn’t there, he wasn’t wearing that, he didn’t ride that way, he probably wasn’t barefoot, NOBODY CAN JUMP A PIKEWALL, that can’t be right!!
And i said: none of this was right-! It’s a story about generational trauma. Nobody should have been there. And he grabbed mane, and asked for the jump, and the horse didn’t want to, but she trusted him -
Tumblr media
And it didn’t happen, and it didn’t happen like that -
Tumblr media
And it didn’t happen, and it didn’t happen like that -
Tumblr media
And people will say: it never could have happened, and CERTAINLY not like that -
And I’ll say - and everyone else should say this too - make an OC or tell a story or find some way to hang on: some of what our ancestors gave us was garbage!! Some is useful!! Some should be lost and some should be kept!! And if academia won’t keep it then we will! Until they come and do it better!
We’ll all say together: he threw his heart over and she follows it still; and they’ll never land! and they’ll never land!!!!
139 notes · View notes